


The Education of Eddie Diaz

by mansikka



Series: The Education of Eddie Diaz [1]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Confessions, Drinking, Drunk Sex, Drunken Confessions, Explicit Sexual Content, Frottage, Hand Jobs, M/M, Mutual Masturbation, Not Suitable/Safe For Work, Oblivious, Overthinking, POV Eddie Diaz, Rimming, Talking, Unrequited, it's not the most polite of fics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-29
Updated: 2020-03-29
Packaged: 2021-02-26 11:22:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 32,679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22635607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mansikka/pseuds/mansikka
Summary: Eddie doesn't really know how it happened. One moment the 118 are drunk in a bar after a hard shift, confessions slipping from his mouth as he playfully kisses Buck on the cheek. The next he is on Buck's couch, taking up Buck's offer of an education that could be asking for trouble. But it's just sex, and they're just friends; it doesn't mean anything to either of them. So why is his time alone with Buck the highlight of his week?
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Eddie Diaz, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz
Series: The Education of Eddie Diaz [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1690480
Comments: 255
Kudos: 695





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! So, this is an 8-chapter thingamy that's basically, well... the tags will give you a clue! This is posting once a week, so by the time this is done our favourite firefam will be back on our screens! Possibly not doing anything mentioned in this story but hey, you never know. Happy reading - and thanks as always to toughpaperround, beta and cheerleader extraordinaire ❤️ (the last tag is very definitely for her!)

"Thanks again for this, Buck; I mean it."

Buck scoffs from the other end of the couch, but Eddie can tell how pleased he is to hear his words for the way he smiles and turns his head. He takes a gulp of his beer and shrugs before answering, his eyes landing on Eddie's seconds after he opens his mouth.

"Eddie. Seriously? You don't need to keep _thanking_ me for this. Or for anything."

"No, I know. But—"

"But nothing," Buck insists, reaching across the gap between them to clasp Eddie's shoulder, squeezing it as he gives him a _look_ that says the Buck equivalent of _chill_.

To think that he'd _worried_. To think that he'd honestly believed things would _change_ between them. Eddie is mad at himself, really, for thinking someone as incredible as _Evan Buckley_ would be fazed by anything, or change his loyalty to his friends. Buck's never been anything but loyal; Eddie knows that. He's just proud, and thankful, and more relieved than he can say, that Buck hasn't pulled back from him. Buck's friendship is an anchor to Eddie that he would be lost without. And if he'd had to tell _Chris_ that he'd no longer see his Buck then, well. Eddie doesn't know how he would have ever recovered from _that_ conversation.

Thankfully, that conversation never had to happen. Buck is still here, still by his side, still willingly having Eddie in his space showing no concern, reluctance, or remorse. Really, Eddie thinks as he scolds himself yet again for over-thinking, how could he ever have believed Buck would behave any different?

They'd been _drunk_. All of them. After a hard fire that they'd spent hours putting out and dragging people from, the end of the shift saw most of 118 heading to a bar to blow off some steam. There had been shots the moment they walked in followed by rounds of more drinks than Eddie's really drank in one session since before Christopher was born. There had been dancing, too, of the drunken kind, when everyone's inhibitions went straight out the window as they celebrated the end of a really bad day.

Maybe his defenses had been down after a long week. Or maybe it was because of _Buck's_ closeness when they'd returned from one of those _dances_ to slump in the three couches they'd claimed as their corner of the bar, still yelling and teasing one another as more drinks were handed out. Buck, always liberal with his affections, had thrown an arm around Eddie's shoulders giving him a one-armed hug as they'd squeezed closer together to make more room.

Eddie, feeling silly and carefree, had kissed him on the cheek. He'd also then kissed Chim on the cheek too when he settled, and then Hen, and had blown kisses across at the rest of the team sprawled out on the various couches. But it had led to a discussion about _experiences_, and _sexuality_, and Eddie had unintentionally outed himself as _curious_. He'd recognized his growing feelings for Buck as something more than platonic but had quashed them for fear of ruining the best friendship Eddie thinks he's had his entire adult life. Of course he shouldn't have been surprised that _Buck_, this beautiful, loving, big-hearted man, is capable of loving anyone and everyone. _Pansexual_, he'd said with no hesitation as the discussion had continued the rest of the evening, never once flinching when Eddie had fumbled his way through talking about _attraction_, offering quiet reassurance ever since and going out of his way to make Eddie comfortable.

Eddie is thankful that he'd not been quite drunk enough to do what he'd _wanted_ to do at the time, which was climb into Buck's lap in full view of everyone and kiss him on the mouth. Though honestly, he really is _more_ thankful that his openness about his curiosity has done no harm to their friendship. He keeps replaying it, heart racing for the thought of Buck being _gone_. Truly, Eddie doesn't know how he would deal with that.

"Eddie. Seriously; I can hear you thinking from _here_," Buck insists, and he's right of course. Eddie is at Buck's for the night since Carla's at his with Christopher. He hasn't had a night being anything but a parent or firefighter since that night at the bar almost a month ago now. The problem, of course, is Buck's openness, honesty, and acceptance has led to Eddie feeling even more for him. He won't act on it, obviously, for being sure he's nothing like Buck's _type_, but those feelings are more prominent than ever. They announce their presence every time Buck does the simplest thing, like smile.

"That's it," Buck says, draining his beer and quickly standing, disappearing into the kitchen.

"That's it, _what_?" Eddie calls, now frightened he's done something to make Buck uncomfortable without even realizing it. He listens to him opening cupboard doors, surprised when Buck returns with two tumbler glasses and a bottle of what looks like scotch.

"You need to loosen up, Eddie," he says as he pours them both far too generous measures, holding his glass out for Eddie to clink his against. "Relax."

"I am relaxed," Eddie replies, savoring the burn of the scotch in his throat as he takes a mouthful.

"_More_ relaxed then. Seriously. Christopher's fine. We don't have work until Thursday. We can sleep in for as long as you want tomorrow. This couch is _comfortable_; I should know. I fall asleep here all the time."

"I know," Eddie says, sinking deeper in the cushions to show he is relaxed. He _does_ know, for having slept here a couple of times himself, or felt his heart soar for watching Christopher sleeping on it. Just like Buck has fallen asleep on _their_ couch a few times; though Buck's couch is so much more comfortable.

"So? Drink. Talk. Or pick something to watch. I know you didn't want to go out, but—"

"This is exactly what I needed," Eddie says, quickly draining his glass and holding it out for a refill. The last thing he wants is for Buck to think he doesn't want to be right where he is, when he's been thinking about little else all day.

Buck's mouth twitches in surprised amusement for watching Eddie drinking so quickly, doing the same to his own glass before refilling them both. "_Good_. So? What do you want to do? We can play something, if you want, or—"

"Just talk to me. Put on some music, or something. Something just on in the background."

Buck nods, pointing the remote at the T.V. and finding a channel about weather phenomenon; something Eddie knows Buck has fallen asleep watching more than once. Then he turns more in his couch corner, his arm across the back of it, beginning to tell him about a tornado he remembers from when he and Maddie were kids.

It's easy to talk to Buck about so many things. Eddie is open about how things ended with Shannon, his fears for Christopher, and how relieved he is to have an extended family with the 118. Buck, in turn, talks about his surfing lessons, the Monday night he had at Bobby and Athena's when Bobby had _him_ cooking, and how he'd walked in on Maddie and Chim _kissing_ in her kitchen—and of course how much he's enjoying taunting them both about it even days later.

As they drink, Eddie opens up about some difficult things he saw when serving, while Buck talks about how becoming a Seal hadn't been for him. He talks about Abby too, which is confusing for Eddie and makes him drink faster. It isn't that Buck still has feelings for her, but that he is sad about the way things ended; like Buck still believes he did something _wrong_. That is what makes Eddie ache for him a little, and lean for the bottle on the floor between them to pour them both yet another drink.

"We've drank a _lot_ already," Buck says when he looks at the half-empty bottle after yet more talking; slightly pink-cheeked and smiling, though not appearing all that drunk at all.

"I'll buy next time," Eddie replies, holding up his glass in cheers. He doesn't feel all that effected by the scotch either yet, though thinks that might be because of the pizza they had before they started to drink.

"Works for me."

"Keep talking," Eddie says, sitting up since he's slipped even further down the couch. His knee was almost touching Buck's before he moved, and the last thing he should probably do right now is let himself lean.

"About what?"

"Anything? Everything. I like it when you talk. Like, _really_ talk."

"Same," Buck tells him with a smile that truly melts Eddie's heart. It's okay, though. He has learned in the past few months that he's had this _crush_ how to keep his feelings to himself. Mostly.

"Well, good."

"I have a question, actually," Buck says, that smile becoming curious as he observes Eddie over the rim of his glass.

Eddie shrugs his shoulders. "Ask away."

"Might be personal."

"I don't think there's anything we couldn't tell each other," Eddie retorts. He means it, too. He has an openness with Buck that he really doesn't have with anyone else.

Buck takes his time to ask his question; Eddie thinks he must be trying to word it right. He watches him start to talk three times before he finally says anything. "When you said—before—about being _curious_. About guys—_being_ with guys. Does that mean you never have been? Like… never?"

Oh. This isn't what Eddie thought he might ask. In fact, he'd had no idea what Buck might want to hear from him at all. Though of course, he'll be honest. "No. Never."

"Not even one time?"

Eddie thinks about his _experiences_, and how he's _looked_, and has nothing much to share. "Well. I've danced with a guy a couple of times," he says, remembering dark dance floor corners and letting his hands explore a hard chest.

"Like… _dance_ dance?"

"What does that mean?"

"Like… _dance_. You know," Buck says, pretending to dance where he's sat which is both hilarious and draws Eddie's attention to the way he moves, remembering just how good Buck is at dancing.

"Yeah, Buck," Eddie replies when he makes himself look away, "_that_ kind of dancing."

"Was it good? I mean… did you enjoy it?" Buck asks, licking his lips, which Eddie has learned not to be distracted by. Not too much, anyway.

"Yeah. I did." Eddie remembers a hard chest pressed against his back, and on another occasion, hands grabbing his ass so they could grind up against one another. He'd enjoyed it a lot, even got himself off afterward thinking about it, though had then pushed the incident from his thoughts for all number of reasons. Excuses, really.

Buck smiles, nodding but saying nothing.

"So, what about you?" Eddie asks then, wanting to know _everything_. Even if jealousy coils ready in his gut for hearing about Buck with _other people_.

"What about me?"

"You've done stuff with guys. Right? Besides dancing, I mean."

"Yeah. Of course."

"Well. Like what?"

"Everything," Buck says with a shrug. "Had a few boyfriends, plenty of hookups. Had plenty of practice," he adds with a slightly self-deprecating laugh. Eddie doesn't want Buck to think he's judging him in any way so doesn't say anything. Which leads to Buck turning more to him, prodding Eddie in the shoulder. "So. When you say you're _curious_. What is it you're curious about?"

"You know. Saying it like that makes it sound like I want to _study_ this, or something."

"Well. I guess it _is_ studying, sort of. You figuring out what you want, or like?"

"Uh... I don't know?" Though Eddie has been thinking about all kinds of things he'd like to do—predominantly with _Buck_. He might have let his gaze wander a little more of late as well, but it is _Buck_ who has his attention first and foremost.

"But you'd want to, like, _try_ stuff with a guy, right? It's not just like you're wondering what it's all about; you—"

"I'm attracted to guys," Eddie says quickly, his breath catching in his throat for this being only the second time he's said this out loud. "Not only guys, obviously. But I would… if the situation was right with someone—a _guy_ someone—I'd want to… I'd want to try everything with them. Intimacy and… all of that stuff. If I met someone. You know?"

It shouldn't be _this_ difficult getting his words out; Eddie feels silly for it. Buck is nothing but understanding, only smiling back.

"So. You'd want to touch, and _be_ touched—"

"Of course. I wouldn't know what I was doing—"

"Eddie," Buck says, laughing, "I don't mean to presume. But you have _hands_, right? And you've spent some time _alone_. I'm pretty sure you'd know what to do. It's all just… natural. Just like you figured it out with girls."

It's different. It shouldn't be, but Eddie knows that it is. And on another occasion, he might question his reasoning for that difference. But for now, he is only letting himself talk freely, leaving any introspection for another day.

"Yeah. I guess. But like… I've never even really _seen_ another guy's… you know. I mean, obviously in _porn_, and in public showers… what?" Eddie asks then for Buck curling up giggling to himself.

"Eddie. If you can't even say the word _dick_—"

"It's not that."

"Well—"

"I just… it's _new_, is all," Eddie protests, though isn't uncomfortable for Buck's teasing. How could he be when Buck is smiling at him like he is?

"And if _those_ are your only two _points of reference_," Buck continues to say but doesn't finish his sentence.

"If those are my two points of reference, _what_?"

"It just means that you haven't got a lot to go on, is all."

"So you're suggesting I get out there and get more points of reference?" Eddie says, thinking of walking into a bar to hook up with some random guy and blanching for it. Though then the image of a faceless man morphs into _Buck_, and Eddie has to shift in the couch cushions for it. He likes that particular idea a _lot._

"Uh—"

"I mean, it's not the _worst_ idea," Eddie adds, because at the very least, it has been a while. Besides, how else is he supposed to get Buck out of his thoughts? Maybe a little _experimentation_ would be just what he needs.

"Well. Obviously, you need to be careful. I mean… if this is all new to you—"

"I'm not throwing myself at the first guy I come across; relax."

"I'm just saying. Some guys like it when a guy doesn't know what they're doing. Like, they get off on being able to do whatever they want because they don't really know enough to say no, or stop."

Eddie wants to ask, for the look on Buck's face, if that is what happened to _him_. Immediately he has the urge to _protect_ Buck, which is stupid; Buck doesn't need anyone defending him, and would probably be offended if he tried. It doesn't stop Eddie reaching out, squeezing his shoulder, and trying to work out a way to voice his concern, without coming across as too much.

"Oh. No," Buck says, wide eyed as though he is reading Eddie's thoughts, "I'm not talking from personal experience. I just mean, I've seen it happen. I wouldn't want that to happen to you. I'd hate that, actually."

Buck is frowning now, and maybe it's the alcohol they've drunk, or how close they have moved across the couch; Eddie thinks it's _cute_. He takes a gulp of his drink chasing away the thought, offering Buck what he hopes is an easy smile.

"Well. In any case. I'm not saying I'm going out there right now to find someone, but it's not—maybe it's not the worst idea. _Practicing_, or something; I don't know." Now Eddie feels _silly_ for the things he is saying. He tops up their glasses again hoping to change the subject. Who is he kidding? He doesn't want some random hook up to show him the ropes, he wants _Buck_. And Buck doesn't feel that way about him.

Buck shrugs, his face twisting up into a look that, in Eddie's experience, means he is _thinking_ about something. Eddie _needs_ to know what it is. "So… in an entirely hypothetical situation, if I were to _offer_—"

"Woah. _No_." Eddie has no idea what he's offering, but he is not having Buck as his _wingman_ when trying to find a hook up. Or anyone.

"If I were to let you _look_… at _me_," Buck says with a really unfair jolt of his hips that steals all Eddie's attention. This is not what he thought Buck meant at _all_. He argues with his eyes to look away, though still lets his gaze linger over Buck's chest on the way up to his face.

"Buck…"

"I'm just saying. It wouldn't be any big deal. It wouldn't even… you know I'd do _anything_ for you, right, Eddie?"

"Yeah, I do. But that doesn't mean you have to shove your _dick_ in my face to educate me, or anything." Hell, how much have they _drunk_?

Buck holds up his hands, laughing. "I'm not offering to shove anything in your face. I'm _offering_ to let you look. So you know what one looks like up close. And," he says, draining his glass, stretching to put it on the table, "I'm just the right kind of drunk for this to be a thing that happens, without it being a _thing_. I'd say so are you; tell me if I'm wrong."

Eddie begs himself to talk, to do or say anything to let Buck know it's okay, he doesn't have to, there is no need to do _this_. But his brain is slightly addled by both the scotch and the thought of seeing Buck at least semi-naked. He drains his glass still pleading with his words to form something sensible. Not a single one comes out.

Buck takes his lack of response as an invitation. Without ceremony, finesse, or any kind of hesitation, Buck is unbuttoning his jeans, pulling down his fly, then pressing back against the couch to lift up enough to get his jeans and boxers down. Eddie tries not to look as much as he _has_ to look. Buck even pulls his t-shirt off so he can have a better view. Eddie swallows repeatedly to get some moisture back in his throat for watching Buck, already half-hard like he's the one that wants to do this, running his fingers over his shaft.

"See?" Buck says, idly playing with himself as he looks at Eddie, which _really_ isn't fair at all. "Nothing to it."

Eddie lets out a squeak instead of words, his breath whistling out of him. He can't hold Buck's gaze for long for _needing_ to see what he's doing to himself. Buck teases himself hard with his fingertips and occasional grips as though he is putting on a show for him, stroking over his crown as his length fills and thickens with every tug. Eddie's _own_ jeans are beyond uncomfortable for how hard he is just for watching. Absently, he presses the heel of his hand against himself for a little relief.

"It's a good idea, Eddie," Buck says in encouragement, nodding towards his lap.

He _can't_. Can he? For one, he is _far_ too distracted by how good _Buck_ looks with his cock in his hand. Eddie wants to move closer, to watch as he comes, and then has the amazing idea that _he_ wants to be the one to do that for him with his own hand. Which of course only makes _him_ harder, making his dilemma all the more apparent.

"No one needs to know about this, if that's what you're worried about," Buck adds, his eyes back on Eddie's fly. Eddie's stomach jolts when Buck stops what he's doing, shoving his jeans and boxers down to his ankles so he can splay his knees wider. Eddie's thoughts are filled with getting on _his_ knees and learning how Buck tastes, though obviously, he won't be doing _that_. Though he does find himself toying with the button of his jeans, even walking his fingers down his length through them.

"I won't even look," Buck tells him, dropping his elbow on the back of the couch and watching his own hand. His cock is thick, and solid, starting to glisten at the tip. Eddie again has the urge to lean forward to taste. He makes a noise that gets Buck's attention. Buck nods like he knows what he's thinking, squeezing at his crown so more pre-cum spills on to his finger. "You ever been tested, Eddie?"

Again Eddie is slow to drag his eyes away, though can only form a single, "huh?" in answer.

"For diseases. STDs."

Oh. "No. No, it's been… it's been a _long_ while since there was anyone but Shannon."

"For you," Buck points out, which finally gets Eddie's attention properly. "Maybe not for her. It's always better to check. You should. It takes minutes."

"You have? I mean, you did?"

"Every few months. I'm clean as it gets. Which is the _only_ reason I'm offering you this. I can't reciprocate, obviously, if you haven't been tested. And you don't have to, clearly. But if you're curious…"

Eddie's heart feels like it might beat out of his chest as Buck holds his finger out, still glistening with his pre-cum. This is the weirdest situation Eddie thinks he's ever been in by _far_, even if he tells himself it really isn't. "Uh…"

"Just so you know how it tastes," Buck says, like he's offering him an exotic beer, or something, instead of, well, _himself_.

In slow motion, because he can't believe he's doing it, Eddie leans closer, lapping his tongue over Buck's fingertip, swallowing the slight saltiness in his mouth. The world didn't end. Though now he _really_ wants to sink to his knees between Buck's legs and learn more. And Eddie might be imagining it, but Buck's eyes definitely look darker, and he seems to be stroking himself firmer while looking at his mouth. Without giving himself time to second-guess it Eddie is undoing then shoving down his jeans, then his boxers, pushing everything down past his knees. His cock springs free, Eddie stuttering in relief for it, curling his fingers around his shaft and beginning to stroke.

"You look _good_, Eddie," Buck says, catching his lower lip between his teeth, most definitely stroking himself faster now. "Maybe pull your t-shirt up a little?"

Eddie does as asked folding his t-shirt back against his chest so it isn't obstructing Buck's view. Buck hums in encouragement, his eyes on Eddie's hand as he strokes, the only noise in the room the intake of their breath and the soft slap of skin. Eddie tugs at himself, playing with his tip just like Buck just did, though not offering anything, just encouraged to keep stroking for how Buck reacts.

"Looks so _good_," Buck says again, his stomach heaving as he sucks in more air. Eddie can't take his eyes off him, the way his skin is flushed all over, and how he's leaking at his tip. Though Buck apparently can't stop watching him either, gasping for every twist of Eddie's hand on himself. "Keep going."

How can he possibly ignore an invitation like that? Eddie watches Buck's hand move faster, the grip of it tightening and twisting, and his thighs darting apart. He listens to the way his breath hitches and puffs out, and to the curses that fall from his mouth. He strokes himself faster through all of it, speeding up even more when Eddie lets out the most sinful whine. Eddie's sure he has never made a noise like that before.

"I'm close. You gonna watch?" Buck asks, his eyes now down on himself. Eddie chokes out a response, holding his breath for Buck gasping and tensing up, letting out a long soft moan as he comes. Eddie watches every spurt over the back of his hand and stomach, stroking himself faster still, spilling just seconds after for the _sight_ of Buck coming. He watches him milk himself, absently doing the same, for being aware of Buck's eyes back on his hand.

Buck drops his head back against the couch with a tired smile, letting his eyes fall half-closed. "See? That wasn't so bad."

Eddie drops his head back too, wondering if by the morning if he'll feel weird for this. Though right now he feels nothing but elated, and sated. He almost wants to ask when they can do this again. For the look Buck gives him when he turns his head, he knows it will be some time soon. Eddie can't _wait_.

* * *


	2. Chapter 2

Eddie pulls up outside of Buck's repeating his new mantra that he will _not _get carried away. This is the third evening in as many weeks he is spending the night at Buck's, with full knowledge of how the evening's events will unfold.

He wouldn't have asked for any of this, and would never have believed he'd be doing it, but in Buck's company, Eddie feels okay about the entire situation. That, and the opportunity to see, well, _more_ of Buck, he is willingly seizing with both hands. Well, not _quite_; they have both been keeping their hands very politely to themselves when they do this. Eddie would like more than that. Though since he is letting Buck lead him through this… education, Eddie is learning the art of patience. A skill he's never really had but is developing given the circumstances.

The morning after that first... _exploration_, Eddie had woken on the couch with a knot in his stomach and a dull thud to his temples, mildly hungover and fearing he'd damaged their friendship for good. Buck had joined him just minutes later, grumbling about a desperate need for eggs and bacon, though without any other apparent cares in the world. Over coffee—black, and lots of it—Buck had come up with the suggestion of doing it again. No strings, no expectations, no change to the way they spent their time together every other occasion. Just a steady progression of Eddie getting to know things about himself, in friendly company—or an uncomplicated way of getting off after the end of a long week.

Eddie had arrived the following week thinking Buck would have forgotten about his suggestion. He'd done no such thing. Eddie smiles for the memory of how _easy_ it was in Buck's company then, and the week after that. His feelings for Buck might have grown a little more complex; how wouldn't they now he's seen the way he looks when he's getting himself off? But aside from having some _very_ pleasant images to put to good use when he's alone in his own bed, nothing has been difficult, or grown too complicated. Not too much, anyway.

"Hi," Buck says as he opens the door to Eddie, waving him inside with an easy smile. "Did Christopher like the cake?"

Buck has been _baking_ this week; delicious treats that Eddie's felt the need to spend extra time in the gym for after being unable to resist several samples. When Buck came to his for dinner mid-week, Eddie was convinced Christopher wouldn't sleep for how many of his cookies he'd eaten. He's taken several batches of all kinds of other things to the firehouse, from brownie bites to these coconut things Chim practically inhaled all of. And Buck gave Eddie a whole Tupperware box full of cake for Christopher to share with Carla tonight. Buck is _good_; far better at cooking than Eddie has ever been.

"Are you kidding? I think Carla's gonna have hell getting him to eat a single vegetable for knowing that cake is in the kitchen. He loves it."

"Good. I'm glad."

"You're still coming over on Sunday, right?" Eddie adds, still holding his breath a little whenever he checks things are still _normal_ for them.

"Of course. I promised Christopher we'd build that new Lego spaceship, right?"

Eddie nods in answer, needing to pause before answering, for being _so_ touched that Buck has never yet broken one promise to Christopher; no matter what it costs him not to let him down. How could he _not_ be falling so utterly and so helplessly for a man who loves his son as much as Buck does?

"Stay for dinner?" Eddie says when he can trust himself to speak. "Abuela's cooking Saturday; we'll have leftovers for days if you don't."

"Wouldn't miss it," Buck agrees, nodding for Eddie's bag which he drops down beside the side of the couch. "Beer?"

"Sure."

"This shift felt like it was forever," Buck calls as he makes his way through to the kitchen, leaving Eddie to look around the lounge telling himself not to be as _excited_ as he is already. Buck may talk about his place being too quiet at times, but to Eddie it is a retreat, and quickly becoming a second home. Not that he can let himself think like that, of course. 

"Yeah. It really did."

"I'm pretty glad we had this planned; needed some way to wind down after it all."

There is a tiny, tiny voice of disappointment in Eddie's head for Buck not being interested in more than whatever_ this_ is. Though he reins it in quickly because this is good; he'd be crazy to give it up. "Me too," he calls back, listening to Buck uncap their beer bottles and throw their caps into the trash, pretending to be nonchalantly sat on the end of the couch when he hears Buck moving again.

"So. You gonna start first?" Buck says then without any preamble when he walks back through with a beer bottle extended in his hand. Eddie runs his palm over the thigh of his sweatpants having thought it pointless to wear anything that would delay the inevitable. He's thankful for Buck's encouragement because knowing what they are about to do has had him on edge—and a little hard—ever since arriving. Long before, really; ever since he stepped into his shower at home. After a sip of his beer which gets pushed on to the table, Eddie tugs down his sweatpants and boxers in one go splaying his knees wide, pulling his t-shirt over his head one-handed, then taking himself in hand.

"You joining me?" Eddie asks after just a few strokes, looking forward to _seeing_ Buck. Buck grins at him, taking his time to yawn and stretch.

"Why? Will that help?"

"_Yes_."

Buck's smile is smug, and Eddie loves it, watching greedily as he strips. They should talk about this, put context to what they're doing. But Eddie doesn't want to push any boundaries. Not if it means giving it up.

"Well. If I'm honest, it helps me too," Buck says splaying his knees wide and stroking his fingertips up his length before wrapping them in a loose grip. "I don't know if it's weird for me to tell you this, but maybe I was thinking about you doing _that_."

"When?" Eddie demands, a surge of heat flooding through him for what Buck might be insinuating.

"Any time I need to get off when you're not here?"

Damn. Eddie can't help jolting for the confirmation, adjusting his grip and speeding up. "I… didn't know that was allowed," he blurts out, immediately feeling foolish for it. Buck's smile is _sweet_, such a contrast to what they're discussing, and doing.

"Eddie. You can think about me if it helps with… you _can_. Okay?"

"Okay," Eddie agrees, watching the way Buck takes long, almost-leisurely strokes like he's intending to make this last. Eddie knows he should do the same, but for the heat in his core for _looking_, it is a fight to make himself slow. Instead, he tries to savor everything Buck is doing to himself, watching the way his cock slides through his grip and how his stomach ripples, swallowing when Buck curls his hips up to thrust into his hand.

"You know. You could _touch_. If you wanted."

White noise fills Eddie's ears, everything around him going still. Even his own hand. It takes him an age to raise his gaze from looking at Buck touching himself up to his face, and even then it feels impossible to get many words out. "What?"

"Me," Buck says, smiling and then snorting with laughter; Eddie knows he must look startled. "Obviously, you don't have to. But if you're curious—"

"I want to," Eddie blurts out, _aching_ for the thought. "I just… maybe you should too. Me. You know."

"Do you want me to?"

"_Yes_." Yes is what Eddie says out loud, though in his head _oh please_ plays on loop for imagining the feel of Buck's fingers on him. How many nights has he come just for fantasizing about that?

"Okay. Do you want to… am I coming closer to you?" Buck asks, completely unconcerned about what he is suggesting. How is he so calm when they're about to do what they are?

Eddie nods quickly, still not sure he can really trust himself to speak. He doesn't mean to suck in such an audible breath when Buck moves across the couch right next to him, or for his stomach to ripple quite so hard when he presses against his leg. He drops his gaze to Buck's hand still on himself, speeding up how fast he's stroking for the closer view. Though surely if he wants to feel Buck's hand on _him_, he'll have to let go?

"Are you sure about this, Eddie?" Buck asks when Eddie doesn't do anything to encourage him. "Because if you're not—"

"I am."

"Then… maybe move your hand first."

Hysterical laughter threatens to burst from Eddie's mouth but he does as asked, splaying both hands against his thighs. That laughter turns to a raspy breath for Buck's fingers wrapping immediately around him. "_Oh_…" he stutters out when he drops his gaze to look, watching his cock head slipping through Buck's grip. And the _feel_ of his hand on him; Eddie is beyond lost now.

"You feel good, Eddie," Buck says, easy as anything. Eddie can't get a single word out; not for the expert hand on him drawing all the sweetest of pleasures from him, leaving a permanent whimper blasting out at every stroke. "Do you like it?"

"_Yeah_," Eddie says, groaning the word out; of course he likes it. He's always loved the feel of someone else's hand on him, but that it's _Buck's_, and he's been thinking about just this even when telling himself he wasn't is the _best_ thing that's happened to Eddie in a while. Which should concern him, though honestly, Eddie doesn't have much room in his head for such thoughts now. Not when Buck noses against his shoulder in tease, then looks down at his own cock.

"You still want to?"

Eddie's hand trembles as he reaches for him, this next _thing_ between them crossing a whole new barrier. Because if he _does_ this, if he touches Buck, not only is he going beyond just curiosity, but also he'll get to be the one to make him come. With his own hand. Watching _those_ expressions. Eddie fights back his tremble closing his hand in a loose grip around his cock.

"Oh… that's _good_," Buck says with a catch in his voice as he drops his head back against the couch and traps his lower lip between his teeth, rearranging _his_ arm so that Eddie's is resting over his. "Yeah, just like that."

Buck's hand on him slows a touch, which in a way makes Eddie proud; for stealing his concentration. Eddie even feels brave enough to clasp around Buck's wrist to stop him altogether. He wants to _concentrate_ on how Buck feels in his hand.

"Just a little more press with that finger," Buck says guiding Eddie's hand with his own. "A little firmer here. And twist just… _there_."

Buck's legs part, pressing harder against his thigh. He even rolls his hips a little, rocking into Eddie's hand.

"That okay?" Eddie asks, aching now for watching how Buck reacts, his heart pounding when Buck lifts his head and looks at him through a hooded gaze.

"_Yeah_," Buck says, dropping his head to watch Eddie touch him, his jaw working as he clears his throat. "Yes. It's good. _Really_ good."

"Well, _good_," Eddie says feeling ridiculously happy. Though he doesn't have the chance to feel smug for long, not when Buck adjusts his grip on him and _really_ starts to work him. Eddie has to brace himself for it, with his leg pressed firm against Buck's, and his free hand gripping tight to the arm of the couch.

They haven't even put the TV on, or any music; all Eddie can hear if he tries to listen is their panted out breath and the sound of skin on skin. And when Buck _looks_ at him, red cheeked, parted lips, heat in his eyes, Eddie doesn't know about a single other thing.

"Did you maybe want to try some lube?" Buck asks then, nodding towards the table. Eddie hadn't even noticed it when he'd walked in, which is unbelievable for how prominently the bottle is stood on the table.

"Yeah. Sure."

They drop their grip on one another so Buck can reach for the bottle, then lean into Eddie's side as he carefully drizzles some over his cock. It is just cold enough to make him jolt for it, though then Buck's hand is on him again, this time in a beautiful slick slide, and Eddie once more is incapable of much of anything.

Though he is aware of Buck squeezing the lube over his own cock, and the grunt that falls from his lips when Eddie slicks him up with a tease of fingertips over his length. Buck _arches_ when Eddie takes him in his grip again which _does_ things to Eddie. With how tightly coiled he feels, at this rate he isn't going to last much longer at all. Though he also doesn't want to stop, not for knowing he'll soon see that _look_ on Buck's face when he comes.

Buck drops his head back against the couch tossing the lube bottle to his side, lips parted as he voices everything he's feeling. Eddie drops his head back as well just to buy himself a little longer. He focuses his attention on the change in Buck's tone and pitch, helplessly rocking into his hand when he gives the best change of angle.

"I'm close," Buck gasps out, writhing next to Eddie, his chest heaving as he fights for breath. Eddie's own breath gets caught in his throat when Buck whimpers and drops his head forward, spurting and spilling over Eddie's hand while he shudders through his orgasm.

Buck still has his hand on him, though is mostly just holding on. Not that Eddie blames him, or would complain for the blissed out look on Buck's face. 

"You okay?" Eddie asks when Buck slumps back, still keeping a loose grip on him.

"I will be, when I get _you_ off," he replies, turning though clasping Eddie's wrist so he won't move his hand just yet.

"Oh, yeah?"

"_Yes_. Do you have any idea how you look when you just… let go?" Buck says, licking his lips as he looks at Eddie, which isn't fair at _all_.

"I—I guess it's the same when I see you? Do that?"

Buck's smile is sweet, even _pleased_, letting his gaze drift down from Eddie's face and over his torso, and to where he has him in hand. For Buck _watching_ him as he gets him off Eddie has to fight the urge to kiss him, instead dragging his gaze from Buck's eyes down to his cock. Buck's hand is perfect on him, already doing everything he likes. He chokes out a warning as he crests, dropping his head back with a thud for the praise that falls from Buck's mouth as he comes.

"That was so _good_," Buck says when Eddie has caught his breath, moving only enough to grab the tissue box that's become a permanent feature of these evenings. "Did you like it?"

Eddie snorts with laughter, looking down at the mess he's made of himself. "What do you think?"

"I know what I _see_, but that's not the same as knowing what you're thinking."

"I liked it. I liked it a lot."

"Enough to… satisfy your curiosity?"

"Enough to know that I want to do this again. And more," Eddie adds, hoping his words don't come across as too bold. He wants that further exploration, and if he's honest, he wants it all with _Buck_. Though whatever they are calling this thing between them he can't take for granted or guarantee it will always be there. He'll take everything Buck will give him in the meantime, hoping that he never oversteps his mark.

Buck's smile is _relieved_, Eddie thinks, but won't let himself dwell on. "Well, good. I'm happy to do this with you. I'm _enjoying_ doing this with you," he adds as they begin to wipe themselves down.

"Yeah?"

Buck nods when Eddie looks, loosening the tension in his shoulders he'd not realized he had—or shouldn't have had; not for what they've just done. "Yeah. I am. I figured, if you're _new_ to all this, I'd rather you did it all with _me_ so... there can be some sleazy people out there, when they know you're… _new_. I wouldn't want anything to happen to you that you didn't want."

As had happened on the first evening that all of _this_ had begun, protective instincts kick in for Eddie, making him ready to track down _anyone_ who has ever hurt Buck. "Are you sure you aren't speaking from experience?"

Buck smiles, and after pausing, shakes his head. "Not really? I've been pretty lucky. But I know people who—let's just say, some guys I know didn't have a learning curve like _this_."

Eddie is both intrigued and horrified to know more, though doesn't push it. His attention is stolen anyway by the view of Buck standing and stretching, with not a care in the world as he pulls his jeans on, giving him a _really_ good look at his ass.

"Are you hungry, Eddie?" Buck asks, holding up his t-shirt then throwing it over the arm of the couch like he is still too warm to put it back on.

"I could eat," Eddie replies as he stands, quickly dressing himself. Arguing with himself he isn't disappointed that _this_ is over already.

"You mind if I wash up first? I can get dinner started."

When Buck looks Eddie nods, then watches him leave the room with a slight spring in his step, mouthing a _fuck_ after him for what they've just done. How can Buck look so calm about it, so back to normal already, when all Eddie wants to do is curl himself in Buck's lap?


	3. Chapter 3

Eddie's weekly visits to Buck's have turned into one of the highlights of his life right now. He doesn't want to dwell on the reasons for that, or how complicated his crush could be getting—_is_ getting—for what they're doing together when they're alone. Sometimes he catches himself replaying all the sounds Buck makes when he touches him, remembering in vivid detail how he writhes on the couch calling _his_ name out before he comes because of _his_ hand. Which is fine when Eddie is alone in the shower, but in the middle of the firehouse it is at best, inappropriate, and at worst, dangerously distracting. Eddie hopes he hasn't drawn too much attention to himself when he's realized where his thoughts have gone, and he's tried to rein them in or had to excuse himself.

Worse, though, is when he is at Buck's for any other occasion, which tends to be in the presence of _Christopher_. There is something very unsettling about the three of them being sat on that couch innocently playing video games or watching whatever movie Christopher has talked Buck into watching, when Eddie's mind can't switch off from remembering what he and Buck do when alone. This is what he feels the most stupid about, since Buck is unfazed, doesn't even give him a knowing look for sharing a memory. All he ever is, is the perfect host, forever attentive to his son.

His son, who worships the ground Buck walks on, who messes with Eddie's head even more for asking continuously when Buck will next be coming over. Or asking that they call Buck because he wants to tell him about a school report, or a drawing he did, or any other thing that makes Buck feel more like family than he truly is. These things are what leave Eddie wistful, giving him sleepless nights that leave him so torn in confusion. He _wants_ what he is doing with Buck. But he also fantasizes about sharing his life with him in every other way as well. It is getting really difficult keeping those two parts of his life with Buck compartmentalized. Why can't he be lucky enough to have _both_?

Eddie is pondering all of these things as he arrives at Buck's, who taunts him further still by answering the door wearing nothing but a towel. He makes a gesture beckoning him in, going back to his phone call, which Eddie thinks is with Maddie. Eddie takes his time to _look_, raking his eyes over the body he's come to know so well of late—though also doesn't know _nearly_ as much as he wants to.

Buck is oblivious to his attention, from the sounds of things happily taunting Maddie over Chim. Eddie thinks Maddie and Chim look great together, and he knows Buck does as well. Though he supposes it is the duty of a little brother to annoy his sibling any chance he gets.

Eddie can hear Maddie's mortified laughter as he drops his bag beside the couch in his usual spot, kicking off the flip-flops he put on after his own shower. It is too hot for too many clothes; Eddie had considered just coming over here in his shorts, though put on a sleeveless shirt as well as an afterthought. A shirt that Buck seems to like, for the way he plucks at it in passing and gives him a thumbs up.

"In the fridge," Buck mouths at him, nodding to the kitchen. Eddie does as asked, surprised for the jug of _something_ on a shelf that, when he sniffs it, Eddie realizes is some kind of alcoholic... _something_. It's strong, whatever it is; he pours them both glasses then takes them through, sitting on the couch after sliding the glasses on to the coffee table.

"Sorry," Buck says when the call finishes, dropping down beside him. "She's working overnight; we usually speak when she's on break."

"Is she okay?" Eddie asks, reaching for Buck's glass to pass it to him before taking his own. He tries not to pay too much attention to the way the towel is now just covering some of Buck's lap exposing most of him, and Buck is sat there casually as anything.

"She's good. I think she has this new colleague she really likes hanging out with. She mentions them all the time. She even went _swimming_ with them last week."

"Is that... good?"

"Maddie hasn't been swimming since we were kids. We were in a lake. She slipped. It wasn't good," Buck says, his expression clouding, though he doesn't elaborate. So Eddie only nods, sampling the drink that is just as strong as he'd thought it might be, tilting it at Buck for an explanation. "I don't even know. It's something I used to make when I was tending bar. Always a hit when it was hot like this."

Eddie follows Buck's gesture to the outside world glad to be in the reprieve of an air-conditioned lounge. All shift long it has been torture out there. He doesn't blame Buck one bit for sitting there practically naked, even for how distracting it is.

Eddie steers the conversation to the safe subject of Christopher, his heart swooping for the way Buck's face lights up just for the mention of his name. Buck asks all kinds of careful, considerate questions, never failing to make Christopher a priority in his life. Eddie _adores_ him for it, adores how much Christopher loves having him around, even if Christopher constantly talking about Buck makes Eddie want him around even more.

Buck tells him about his surfing lesson this afternoon, and another dinner cooked with Athena and Bobby last night. In turn, Eddie regales him with Abuela's adventures this week, imitating the scandalous tone she'd used when talking about one of her neighbors for knowing how much it will make Buck laugh.

"Oh. And I thought you'd want to know—no; that's not right. I want to tell you—I got tested. At the clinic. Like you said."

Buck goes very still, taking his time to swallow the mouthful of drink he's just taken. "Oh?"

Eddie will not let himself believe that Buck's eyes flare in interest. "Yeah. I did. It's all good. I didn't think it _wouldn't_ be, but—"

"It's still good to have that reassurance," Buck finishes for him with a sweet smile. How can he think Buck _sweet_ when talking about things like _this_?

"Yeah. It is."

"Which means, there are other things we can try. If you want," Buck adds, brazenly letting his gaze sweep over Eddie where he's sat.

Eddie tries not to react to it, fights hard to be unaffected by Buck's words, which is pointless. "Uh. Yeah. Yeah, we could."

"Not everything right away, obviously. Just... you know. Now that you know everything's okay, then—"

"I really want to try sucking you off."

Eddie freezes for the words he's blurted out, though he can't deny them; it's an image he's had stuck in his thoughts for weeks. Every time it is the same; him on his knees between Buck's splayed thighs on this very couch, Buck's head arched back in ecstasy as he rocks into his mouth.

Buck apparently likes the idea for the way he swallows hard, and he has to shift the towel in his lap to keep himself covered. He watches Eddie over the rim of his glass, the heat in his expression making Eddie squirm. "Well. I'm not objecting to you trying that on me."

Eddie gives him a tight nod in return, gulping back more of his drink. "Okay."

"You want to _now_, or...?"

"Yes, now," Eddie says, thinking if he doesn't then he might lose his nerve over this.

Buck nods, draining his glass and gesturing for Eddie to do the same, then giving him _that_ look; the one that has come to mean to get undressed. Buck is blatant in the way he watches him do it, not taking his eyes off Eddie as he throws his towel to the floor. He parts his legs, running his hands down his thighs before taking himself in hand in a lazy stroke. "Here?"

Without hesitating, Eddie drops to his knees, settling between Buck's legs. Buck smiles, still stroking himself, sinking deeper into the couch with his knees brushing against Eddie's shoulders as he does. Eddie tells himself his mouth should _not_ be watering for the sight in front of him.

"You need some guidance, or—"

"I'm good. I just thought I should try what—what _I_ like," Eddie explains when he looks up, his eyes drawn to Buck's cock even when he tries to look at his face. Is it obvious now just how much he's been thinking about doing this?

"Perfect. That'll give _me_ pointers."

Eddie must look _stupid_ for the way Buck's face crinkles up when he smiles.

"For when I do the same to you."

Heat flushes through Eddie for the thought of Buck's lips on him, enough to make him clasp on to Buck's splayed thighs to steady himself. Buck squeezes his hand to get his attention.

"Do what you want; I'll let you know if you need to change anything."

Eddie waits for Buck to release his grip on himself then curls his fingers around his length, luxuriating in a few strokes just because he can. Buck sighs for it, parting his legs more, letting one arm drape back along the couch. Eddie alters his grip to exactly how he knows Buck likes, rewarded for the soft shudder he sees in response.

Eddie adjusts on his knees, dropping his grip to hold him steady at the base. He licks up the underside of Buck's cock first letting his eyes fall closed for the scent of him. Buck's breath rasps out of him for it, choked off into a gasp when Eddie swirls his tongue over his head to taste. This is _everything_ he expected, and has been thinking about. There is no way he is just _curious_ about any of this anymore. He _wants_ Buck; how could he have ever kidded himself that he didn't?

Resting one hand on Buck's hip, Eddie takes his cock head in his mouth giving a slight suck, having to close his eyes again for the noise Buck makes in response. He experiments, with a wide, flat tongue up the underside of his cock, then a darted lap over his tip that his mouth waters again for, this time for the slight saltiness there.

Eddie thinks he could spend hours exploring the feel of Buck's cock with his tongue. The slight bumpiness up the underside of it in comparison to the smooth, hard ridge of his crown, and the near constant wetness at his tip that is an invitation to keep tasting; Eddie loves it _all_. How has he reached the age that he is, and never let himself have _this_ before?

When more sure of what he is doing, Eddie moves so he can take a little more of him into his mouth. Buck _curses_ for it, encouraging him to bob up and down, praising Eddie every time he takes a little more of him in.

"You doing okay?" Buck asks, his voice already broken when he squeezes Eddie's shoulder to get his attention.

Eddie wraps his fingers around his base, lapping his tongue over Buck's head as he looks up at him. "I don't know, Buck. You tell me."

"You're _perfect_," Buck tells him, growling out his words as he toys with Eddie's hair. "Just like that. You don't need to take it all in; not the first time. Just keep doing what you're doing with your tongue. _Yes_..."

For Buck's continuous stream of praise, gasps, and groans, Eddie grows confident, lapping up the length of him, teasing Buck with a kiss to his tip before opening his mouth around him once again. For the gentle pressure of Buck's hand on the back of his head, Eddie only wants to give him more, aching to touch himself but also wanting to wait because of the promise of what Buck might do to _him_.

The weight of him on his tongue, the way he fills his mouth; Eddie is _addicted_. There is no way he won't be doing this to him again; not for the way Buck feels, and tastes, and whines for his touch. Next time he'll take the opportunity to explore him, like he has been doing when they get each other off. For now, though, all Eddie can concentrate on is having Buck in his mouth, and how his jaw is aching for it, but not enough to make him want to stop.

"Eddie... not much longer," Buck whines out then, softly rocking into his mouth; just as Eddie has pictured him doing. He pulls off, taking him back in hand as he looks at him. Though now he's had a taste, Eddie can't resist lapping his tongue over his cock head.

"Yeah?"

"You can do whatever you want. Just this," Buck says, stroking over the back of Eddie's hand, "or I can take over?"

"I want you to come in—I want you in my mouth," Eddie says feeling so _bold_ with his words. Buck's eyes flutter closed for them, his thighs twitching apart another inch.

"_Fuck_."

"Would that be okay?"

Buck lets out a desperate, choked off peal of laughter, rapidly nodding his head before he can clear his throat to respond. "Is it okay that you suck me off and then let me come in your mouth? Is that even a real question?"

Eddie laughs for the incredulous look on his face, and because he is _still_ feeling bold, takes him in his mouth again for a harder suck before answering. "Yes?"

"Fuck yes."

"Well, okay then."

"If you're sure you want to," Buck adds, even if his hips betray him by twitching up, revealing how much he wants this.

"Oh, I am."

"If you're sure. You stop any time you need to if you change your mind; it doesn't matter, okay?"

Eddie feels _safe_ with Buck like this. It's not a new revelation, but as he takes him back in his mouth and Buck's hand rests on the back of his head, Eddie _feels_ that sense of safety. He runs his tongue up the length of him in a firm lick, sliding his lips at the perfect pressure that makes Buck whimper. As Buck's orgasm builds, his entire body ripples and writhes beneath Eddie, allowing him to imagine doing even more to him, and aching to do all of it right now. Though for Buck beginning to pant, and to gasp his name out repeatedly, Eddie focuses only on _now_, sure he can taste the closer Buck gets to coming.

Buck calls out a warning seconds before he comes, spurting hot and messy in his mouth as he shudders and groans. Eddie laps up all he can, hands massaging at his hips as Buck works his way through it, seeming to melt back into the couch the moment he's done.

Buck groans again, running his thumb over Eddie's top lip where he's missed a little as he pulls back. And since Eddie is still feeling _brave_, he sucks Buck's thumb into his mouth.

"_Fuck_," Buck says, dropping his head back against the couch in exhaustion. He clasps on to Eddie's hand now down on the couch cushion, tangling their fingers together.

"Okay?" Eddie asks, still massaging at his hip, cataloging the ache in his jaw and the new taste lingering on his tongue.

Buck sinks further down the couch when Eddie moves to sit back, grinning at him. "Very okay. Absolutely okay. You're sure you haven't done that before, Eddie? 'cos I've gotta tell you... that was _amazing_. Seriously."

Eddie does _not_ preen as he hauls himself up to sit at his end of the couch, though maybe he allows himself a little smug smile. "Nope. First time."

"Then I am _honored_," Buck says, "_really_," which does all kinds of things to Eddie that he can only express with a further smile. "Just give me a minute," he adds, letting his eyes fall closed again before he sighs, groaning as he pushes himself to his feet.

"You don't need to—"

"I'm getting us a drink first," Buck says, standing slowly like he's _exhausted_ before taking their glasses and disappearing into the kitchen. Eddie listens to him opening the fridge door, taking himself in hand briefly to get a slight reprieve from the tension in him, dropping it the second Buck rejoins him.

"This is good," Eddie says waving the glass when Buck passes it to him, taking a large gulp and thinking it won't be very long before they're both drunk. Especially if they don't eat soon.

"It is," Buck says as he sits closer to him, propping his head in his hand as he rests his elbow on the back of the couch. "Can I touch you?"

Eddie quickly sits to push his glass on the table, letting his legs apart. He lets out a soft sigh for the gentle pressure of fingers playing with his balls, before they wrap around his length in the perfect grip.

"That good?"

"Yeah."

"Drape your leg over mine."

Eddie does as asked, jolting for now feeling so exposed. Buck sighs for it, running his hand over Eddie's chest, then over his parted thighs, before taking Eddie's hand and wrapping his fingers around his length. Eddie starts to stroke himself watching Buck for his reaction.

"That's nice," Buck says, biting his lower lip as he strokes a hand along his inner thigh, pressing him more open. He dips his hand between his legs, massaging and kneading his balls with a gentle pressure that feels amazing to Eddie, making him speed up. Buck shakes his head, clasping around Eddie's wrist silently telling him to slow down again. "Does that feel good?"

"Yeah," Eddie blurts out, wanting to say it feels even better for the hungry way Buck is watching him do it, though doesn't.

"You know. Later—not today—we can play a little _here_," Buck says, parting Eddie's cheeks and trailing his finger between them. Eddie gasps as he presses firmer against him, starting to speed up again. "Have you tried it?"

"No. Never."

"But you want to, right? If—"

"_Yeah_," Eddie groans out for imagining Buck sinking into him. He has no idea how it will feel, but Eddie knows whatever Buck does to him will feel incredible.

"Good," Buck says, watching Eddie's hand on himself, though then reaches to swipe his thumb over his cock head. He closes his eyes as he sucks his thumb into his mouth as though he is savoring the taste of him, staring at Eddie as he does. It's almost, _almost_ too much.

"Buck..."

"I can't wait to taste you—really taste you," Buck says, making Eddie's eyes fly to his face where he's been watching his hand.

"Well. I'm all yours."

Buck laughs softly, knocking Eddie's hand away so he can stroke him until Eddie begins to writhe for the blissful pleasure building in him. He won't last much longer like this if Buck doesn't stop. Buck knows, moving quickly, down on his knees between Eddie's thighs pushing them wider apart. "Yeah?"

Eddie doesn't know if Buck's question is in response to his earlier words, or if it's to check if he is okay with what is about to happen. Either way, his answer is a resounding, "_yes_," that is followed by a shuddery gasp the moment Buck laps his tongue over him.

How is Eddie supposed to ever sleep again? For the perfect way Buck takes him in his mouth, and how he grips his thighs kneading over them like he wants _all_ of Eddie at once, Eddie doesn't know how he'll ever get _enough_ of this beautiful, amazing, incredible man. Eddie can't hide his pleasure, not for the tight wet heat that is a relentless Buck giving him so many things he's been thinking about for months. Buck even guides him first to press deeper into his mouth, and then to rest his hand on the back of his head.

Later, Eddie is going to replay every moment of this, including how Buck's hair is the perfect length to grip on to when he is sucking him off. But for now all Eddie can do is gasp, and groan, and praise, and hope this feeling is never-ending. Though there is a pause in all of those things when he feels Buck smile around his shaft.

"What?" he says, Eddie's voice sounding broken to his own ears.

Buck pulls off him, kissing his tip and kneading Eddie's thighs.

"Eddie. I tended bar. In a lot of places," he tells him, grinning up at him in between laps of his tongue over his tip.

This seems like quite the change of subject. Eddie tries to swallow some moisture back into his throat. "I know that."

"So, you also should know, that as a result, my Spanish is pretty good," Buck adds, his eyes crinkling with mirth.

Oh. _Oh_. "Fuck."

"Well. That's sort of what we're here for," Buck teases, though is kind enough not to taunt further for some of the words that have just fallen from Eddie's mouth. Before Eddie can say another word, Buck laps up his length again, stealing any sort of rational thought from Eddie by swallowing around him. The _pressure_ of it is overwhelming; Eddie sits up for it gasping in surprise, his fingers now gripping tight to the couch arm and the cushion beside him. He watches dazed as Buck bobs up and down the length of him before swallowing again, this time taking him in even deeper. The sight of Buck's lips around his base, the restriction of his throat around him; Eddie can do nothing but _whimper_. Though then Buck really goes to town on him, humming firmer against his shaft the faster he moves, seeming to be enjoying what he is doing to Eddie as much as Eddie enjoys him doing it.

"Let's try something," Buck says then, leaving Eddie dazed and whining for pulling off him; even more so when he takes his hand and encourages him to stand.

"Buck," Eddie says, gripping on to his shoulders as Buck kneels back, "honestly? I don't think my knees are gonna last if I stand for too long feeling like this."

"Just a little," Buck says as he strokes his hands down from Eddie's hips to rest on his thighs, lapping over his length. Eddie realizes what he intends for him to do when Buck takes his hands and places them on the back of his head, sucking on his tip as he does.

"I can't," Eddie cries out even as his hips jolt to say _yes_, yes he can.

Buck hums around his shaft pressing his head back into Eddie's hands in encouragement. "You can, Eddie. It's okay. Try it."

"I don't wanna hurt you."

"You won't. I'll stop you, if you do."

Eddie adjusts his grip on Buck's head splaying his fingers wide, rocking into his mouth and _lost_ for it. How is he supposed to even _think_, when Buck's mouth is so _good_, and he is so willingly on his knees letting him fuck it? When every time he looks down it is to the sight of Buck's lips stretched around _him_?

Eddie lets himself savor the feel of sliding into Buck's mouth only until the urge to go harder is too strong, pulling back from him and shaking his head as he gasps.

"It's okay," Buck says, his voice rougher than before, which only makes Eddie _jolt_ with need. Buck helps him to sit back on the couch, immediately taking him in his mouth again. Eddie _cries_ for how good it is, splaying his legs further apart and running his hands repeatedly over Buck's arms and shoulders where they pin him in place.

"Buck," Eddie croaks out towards the end, letting his fingers slot through his hair. Buck only moves faster, humming in encouragement. Eddie writhes and whimpers, his breath coming out in pitiful gasps, groaning out Buck's name as he finally spills into his mouth. Buck coaxes him through it still massaging at his thighs, lapping every spurt from him until Eddie whimpers for being overstimulated. Buck presses a kiss to his knee before using it to leverage himself up, dropping down by Eddie's side with a tired huff.

As has become a _thing_ for them, Buck drops his head on Eddie's shoulder, and Eddie turns just enough to rest his fingers on Buck's waist while they catch their breath. He doesn't know what this part of their evening means, but in some ways, this is the best thing about the whole... _event_. Peace descends on the room as they calm, keeping a loose grip on each other that Eddie appreciates more than he can say.

"You doing okay, Eddie?" Buck asks, his words half-pressed into Eddie's skin.

"_Yeah_. Are you?"

"I'm great," Buck replies, lifting his head to smile at him sleepily. "You okay if we just stay like this a few minutes?"

When Eddie nods, Buck turns more into him, draping his arm across Eddie's lap to loosely grip his waist. They're _hugging_; Eddie couldn't savor this moment any more if he tried. He lets his head fall against Buck's, splaying his fingers wide at his hip, wishing he knew the perfect excuse not to let go of him at all. He wants _more_ of this, more of this easy affection on top of everything else, wishes more than anything that he had the guts to ask for it all. Eddie closes his eyes pushing back all the questions and doubts he has that could ruin this, holding on to Buck as he snuggles closer, already falling asleep.


	4. Chapter 4

Buck is still upset. His smile doesn't reach his eyes when he opens the door to Eddie letting him in, and the slight redness around them suggests he hasn't long finished crying. Eddie aches for him, still sorrowful himself, though he went home after a shift from hell to cuddles from Christopher and Carla. Buck hasn't seen anyone. Eddie knows Maddie is busy at work. He doesn't need to ask how he is doing for the stoop of Buck's shoulders being so obvious, though he can't resist resting a hand on his back as he follows him in to his bag to the floor.

"It's been a _day_," Eddie says, his heart aching for Buck when he doesn't even turn around, walking back to the kitchen where he is apparently preparing something for dinner.

"Yeah."

Buck's hair is still wet from the shower, the now-familiar scent of his shower gel still clinging to his skin. His t-shirt is loose-fitting, the neck of it gaping open when he turns to take a bowl from a cupboard. Under normal circumstances, the sight of this would leave Eddie resisting the urge to press his face to Buck's neck to breathe him in.

Maybe tonight won't be anything more than them just sitting, and talking. And while Eddie will leave disappointed in the morning, what is more important now is doing whatever he can to make Buck feel better. So he stops Buck just as he starts to slice tomatoes for whatever he is cooking tonight by tapping his fingers over the back of his hand. When Buck lets the knife fall flat against the chopping board, Eddie helps himself to the bottle of scotch and glasses he knows are in a particular kitchen cupboard. He pours them both a general measure, sliding Buck's glass to him across the counter, not intending to lift his own until he sees Buck move.

"I don't really want to talk about it," Buck says softly after he's taken a sip, sadness gasping from him as he speaks. Eddie doesn't blame him. The whole of the 118 replayed and rehashed the fire at a shopping mall long after they put it out, the two people they couldn't save stuck in their thoughts no matter what they did for the rest of the shift.

"We don't have to talk," Eddie says, resting his hand on Buck's lower back since he still hasn't really turned to him, his hands pressed either side of a chopping board and his head bowed. "We don't have to do anything."

"That's why you're here, though, isn't it?" Buck replies, quickly snapping his head around and shaking his head. "I'm not saying it like it's a bad thing—"

"I know you aren't," Eddie replies, smiling in reassurance and squeezing his shoulder. "But if it's too much tonight—"

"I need you here..."

Buck's voice cracks, and there is no way for Eddie to stand so passively when his _best friend_ is in such need. He pulls Buck to him, wrapping him up in a tight hug, closing his eyes for the grateful way Buck drapes his arms around his neck. Eddie has no idea how long they stand there in Buck's kitchen holding on to one another, or how many times he can mutter, "_it's okay, Buck_," until he believes it. Though he doesn't even want to move; not until Buck leans his head against his with a hard blasted out sigh, then stands back to hold him at arm's length.

"Thanks, Eddie."

Eddie tries, and fails, not to echo Buck's flicker of a smile. "You don't need to thank me."

"But you were there too. You must be feeling—"

"I am," Eddie tells him, "and there isn't anyone else I'd prefer to be dealing with—or not dealing with—how today went down."

Buck's smile is a tug on Eddie's stomach, reminding him his _crush_ is still alive and well. He reminds himself he isn't dwelling on that this evening; Eddie's only goal tonight is to be Buck's friend, and to do everything he can to make him feel better. He nods at Buck's glass then picks up his own along with the bottle, walking through to the lounge. And since he already makes himself at home every time he comes to Buck's, Eddie finds something for them to watch before Buck has even sat beside him on the couch.

"How's Christopher?" Buck asks, which reminds Eddie that he has something for him. He holds his hand up telling Buck to wait, leaning over the arm of the couch and tugging a drawing from a pocket of his bag.

"He's good. He drew this for you; said he had to draw a thing he wanted to try. Apparently, this is you teaching him to surf," Eddie adds, pointing out the figures in the drawing as he lays the paper on Buck's thigh.

Buck's smile is _beautiful_, and Eddie is _lost_. For the way Buck carefully clutches the edge of the paper like he is frightened of crumpling it with too heavy a touch, and the way he turns his head to give a small, quiet smile as he studies Christopher's artwork. For the way Buck loves his son, Eddie can't help falling for him deeper, and for seeing the evidence of that love now, there is a clasp around his heart. A good one. One that he doesn't want to do anything to dent, or damage.

"I think I maybe need a _few_ more lessons before I can show him anything," Buck says, stroking his finger over their faces in the drawing.

"Well. I think he likes even just hearing you talk about it. He told me it's exciting hearing you excited about something, because he can feel how happy it makes you."

Buck's mouth twists before he opens it to speak then closes it again with a soft sigh. "He's the best kid. Ever."

"Well, I know that."

"Good. You should be proud."

"I am. Always."

Eddie changes the subject then, at least a little, telling him how Abuela is looking forward to Sunday when Buck joins him and Christopher at hers for lunch. Abuela was ecstatic to realize the simple greetings in Spanish that Buck used with her in the past isn't all he knows. She has a long list of tongue twisters she intends to work through with him, and Eddie can already picture how Christopher will giggle for hearing Buck try. And for the peace it begins to restore to Buck's eyes for hearing her intentions, well, Eddie could talk about it all night. Though then Maddie calls, and from the sound of things Buck already texted her to mention his bad day. Eddie is grateful that Buck has his sister, watching in silence as more of the tension drops from his shoulders as they speak.

"Sorry," Buck says when he's finished, waving with his phone, "I'll silence it now."

It occurs to Eddie then that Buck has been silencing his phone for all of these evenings of theirs together. Like they are just as important to Buck as they are to _him_.

"Not that I'm expecting anyone to call now," Buck adds. "I think I've spoken to everyone I normally would for the day."

"You don't need to turn it off for me being here," Eddie tells him, touched by the gesture for reasons he can't make out. Though he also aches a little for thinking Buck still doesn't have all that many people in his life. Buck deserves the world, and the presence of all the people who love him in it.

"I do. For what we've been doing, anyway. It was important."

Eddie doesn't know how to respond, so only gestures for Buck to drink, quickly refilling his glass the moment it is empty.

Talk turns to other things, moments from their shift that haven't left the entire crew heartbroken. Three drinks in, and Buck's stomach gives a violent growl that sends them back to the kitchen, where Eddie keeps him company as he prepares a pasta dish that they both finish two helpings of. By the time they return to the couch, now four drinks in and both sleepy and full, Eddie is certain their usual activities are off the table. He doesn't mind now, not for the comfortable way Buck leans against him as they watch a docuseries about natural disasters that he is fascinated by.

It isn't until Buck comes back from a bathroom break that there is even a hint of anything happening between them. He sits back down beside Eddie dropping his forehead on his shoulder, resting his hand on Eddie's stomach.

"Are you still full?"

"I'm okay."

"How okay?"

Eddie nudges his head against Buck's making him look up. "Why?"

"Did you still want to do something with me tonight?"

"Buck," he says, letting himself rest his hand against his thigh. "It's been a _day_. If you didn't want to do anything—"

"I wouldn't be asking if I didn't," Buck replies, cutting him off. "Maybe today, after everything, it would be good for us."

Eddie doesn't know if he means it, or if Buck is just being _Buck_; giving of himself even when he should probably think about what _he_ wants more. "I don't know?"

"Tell me something you want to do."

"Don't put this all on me," Eddie tries to joke, "you're in this too."

"I know I am. And I don't think we should do all that _much_. I just... maybe it would be good for us," Buck says again, which to Eddie means there is something _he_ needs. And since he knows Buck, since he can read the expression on his face, what he thinks Buck needs more than anything now is closeness. Contact. So he squeezes Buck's thigh again and lets his head fall against the back of the couch, looking up at him.

"Well. I don't know, Buck. I don't know if we can even _do_ what I'm thinking about right now."

"If it involves a lot of moving, _no_," Buck says, his eyes crinkling as he smiles, splaying his hand more comfortably on Eddie's stomach; even tucking his thumb beneath his t-shirt. For the distraction, Eddie focuses on the gentle swirl against his skin as he works himself up to asking, because there _is_ something he wants. Something he has been thinking about possibly more than anything since they started all of this. 

"Not too much moving, no."

"But a little?"

"I don't know?"

"Eddie—"

"I've never _kissed_ a guy before, Buck," Eddie says, forcing himself to keep eye contact and not look at anything else; not at Buck's lips, not elsewhere in the room, just in his eyes. He needs to gauge his reaction, needs to know what Buck thinks. Eddie is already telling himself that he will not show his disappointment if Buck doesn't want that with him.

Buck blinks at him, absently licking his lips, which Eddie can't help noticing. "And you want to?"

"I do."

"With me?"

"Yeah, Buck," he says as he lifts his head again, laughing even if his stomach is in knots and now he's feeling stupid even for asking. "But it's okay if you don't want to. I guess you don't, for us—well; we haven't before now."

"We can," Buck says softly, moving close so he can rest his arm on the back of the couch behind Eddie's shoulders while lightly gripping him by the waist.

Eddie's heart gives a painful, excited thud. "Yeah?"

"Of course," Buck says, even if he looks _nervous_. After everything else they've done together so far, Eddie is surprised for it. Though he still won't push. He waits, unmoving under Buck's gaze, not brave enough to make the first move.

Buck lowers his head, brushing his cheek against Eddie's, the gesture and the feel of him rippling a wave of heat through his stomach. "You realize, we're both pretty stubbly right now?"

Eddie has lost _sleep_ thinking about Buck's stubble against his throat. so only swallows hard for the warning. "I know."

"So. Just so you know, it could chafe a little."

How Buck says these words with such a straight face, so noble, and factual, while he is ghosting his lips over Eddie's making his heart threaten to jump from his chest, Eddie doesn't know. Though when he convinces his mouth to work to blast out a single, "okay," in invitation, Eddie doesn't even have the power to think of anything else.

Buck kisses him, sweet, and slow, opening his mouth to him and encouraging Eddie with a squeeze at his side, and a gasp against his lips in between kisses. When Buck shudders and clings tighter for Eddie experimenting with a flick of tongue against his, Eddie takes it as an invitation for more. He slots his fingers through the hair at the nape of Buck's neck holding him where he wants him, kissing Buck with everything he has.

When they pull apart, breathless, there is such _joy_ on Buck's face that it is easy for Eddie to forget that this is just an _education_ for him. He could happily kiss Buck again and again, for hours, probably. But for Buck it wouldn't mean anything; not like it does for _him_. The thought is a painful one, and Eddie needs to distract himself from it, his mind working through excuse after excuse to stop even if he really doesn't want to. Buck saves him from fleeing or doing anything else at all, by raising his hands to cradle his face between them, lapping his tongue against Eddie's lips.

"You're _good_," he whispers, before claiming a deeper, firmer kiss, that leaves Eddie getting too hard in his jeans, though doing his best to ignore it for how _good_ Buck feels. He keeps on kissing him, learning the nip Buck likes to his lower lip, and how he whimpers for deeper kisses, pulling him forever closer. Eddie _aches_ for the way Buck slips his hand beneath his t-shirt to knead at his side, then shakes his head like he's telling himself not to, instead draping his arms over his shoulders to cross behind his head. He can't be comfortable, half-kneeling on the couch like he wants to straddle his lap but won't let himself.

"Evan. You can touch me, if you want to," Eddie blasts out between kisses earning himself a click in Buck's throat as he pauses, and a softer kiss accompanied by a swirl of thumb over his cheek.

"That okay?" Buck asks, searching his face over, and, Eddie realizes, looking _wrecked_. Buck's eyes are glassy, and his lips kiss bruised. _He_ did that to him, he thinks with pride, claiming a kiss before nodding.

"Of course."

"I'm gonna need to do _something_," Buck says with a self-deprecating blast of laughter as he sits back to pull his shirt over his head, watching with interest as Eddie rushes to do the same. "I think you have me all riled up."

"Is that bad?" Eddie asks, and because he's feeling confident, reaches to feel out the shape of Buck through his jeans. Buck groans for it, pressing into his hand, letting his head fall forward so he can watch.

"No. Not at _all_."

"Then. We should probably get these off, right?" Eddie says, plucking at the button on Buck's jeans. Buck looks at him with such a heated look of want that Eddie freezes, jolting when Buck surges forward to claim another kiss.

They help each other out of their clothes, gasps blasting against each other's mouths as they take one another in hand. Buck is _leaking_ already, which Eddie groans for seeing, circling his palm over his tip and smiling against Buck's mouth when he stutters for it.

"Okay?" Eddie whispers, though doesn't have a lot more to say for the way Buck is stroking him, knowing everything that he likes.

"When you're doing _this_ to me? How can I not be?"

How is Eddie supposed to react to that? He smiles against Buck's mouth, tugging on his wrist so he knows to release his grip on _him_. "I can wait," he whispers when Buck tries to ask him why. Eddie guides him so Buck has his legs splayed wide open, one hooked over the arm of the couch. Eddie walks his fingers down his inner thigh, stroking them over his balls, and taint, and then between his cheeks. "Touch yourself."

Buck's soft intake of breath tickles Eddie's mouth as he kisses him, hitching as he closes his fingers around his length. Eddie smiles in encouragement, toying with his balls as Buck continues to stroke himself.

"You look _good_, Evan."

Buck's breath catches again, little desperate gasps falling against Eddie's lips that he chases every one of whenever Buck misses.

"This is _exactly_ what I picture when I think of you when I get off," he tells him, triumphant for the way Buck stutters wide-eyed in response. "You, hand on yourself, legs open wide so I can _see_."

"Yeah?"

"_Yes_," Eddie tells him, relishing in being able to kiss him in between words. He likes that Buck seems so surprised, so _aroused_ by the idea of it. Even if Buck will probably forget he's said any of this the moment they are done.

"Maybe I... maybe I should send you something. So you can see. To _help_," Buck blurts out with his breath becoming more erratic. Eddie tugs on his wrist so he stops, wanting to be the one to make him come.

"Oh, you really should. I'd like that a _lot_." Is this the drink talking? Letting him say things out loud that he really wants to say but never has the courage to? Eddie doesn't know. But for the way Buck gasps against his mouth as he teases his fingertips up his length, Eddie doesn't put too much thought into it. Buck is here, in his grip, letting him _kiss_ him. There isn't anything he wants more than that.

"Then I will," Buck says, his voice catching.

Eddie brushes his lips over Buck's, then nods so Buck knows to look down at himself. He runs his palm over his tip lifting it to show the wetness there. "Look at you."

"I, uh... I think that means I'm enjoying this." Why does Buck sound so _shy_ for it?

"Yeah?" Eddie asks as he slicks him up with his own precum, kissing him again.

"_Yeah_..."

Eddie hums his approval, kissing Buck for every noise that falls from his mouth. Everything about this is _different_; to all the times they have done this before. Eddie doesn't know why he didn't realize how much difference a _kiss_ would make to what they are doing. But as Buck takes him in hand again, and they lazily get each other off, those kisses make him feel even closer to Buck. All those beautiful noises he makes are blasted against his lips, every stroke he makes that really _gets_ to Buck he can feel the effect of for the way he kisses him back. And although they are taking their time, in no hurry for anything this evening, Eddie knows from the way he is moving it won't be long before Buck is spilling over his hand, croaking out his name. He can't _wait_ to see it. He _needs_ to see it, _now_.

"Gonna come for me, Evan?" Eddie asks before kissing him, his heart pounding when Buck whines before doing just that. Eddie smiles against his mouth, kissing him as he shudders through it, _loving_ that he can feel Buck's reaction up close.

They drop their foreheads together as Buck recovers, his hand still in a loose grip around Eddie's length. Buck's smile is rueful when Eddie pulls back to look at him. Buck props himself back on an elbow on the back of the couch, watching Eddie as he strokes him.

"You are _so_ good at this," Buck tells him, leaning in for soft kisses every time Eddie voices his pleasure for all the clever things Buck is doing with his hand. What is he supposed to say, or do, for all the pleasure Buck is giving him, and all the words of praise that keep escaping from his mouth? When he comes, delirious for the wave of pleasure that hits him, Buck kisses him through it, smiling against his mouth when he's done.

"_Fuck_," Eddie blurts out since he's feeling ineloquent and spent, letting his head fall to rest on Buck's shoulder.

"Well," Buck says, as he presses a kiss to the back of his hair, "another time, definitely. I don't think either of us even could if we wanted to right now."

Eddie snorts laughter into his skin, getting one arm around him for an awkward hug. This isn't a comfortable position by any means, yet for feeling _so_ connected to Buck right now he wouldn't have it any other way.

They move to clean up eventually, yawning and stretching for how late it is already. Eddie catches his reflection in the bathroom mirror as he brushes his teeth seeing bright eyes and bruised lips, and a _smile_ that might be dangerous for how happy he is feeling. He needs to remind himself he is not Buck's, and Buck is not _his_; this is just something they _do_ together, to get a little relief. He tries to repeat these words as a mantra when he rejoins Buck in the living room, surprised that the bedding he typically brings down for him isn't already on the couch.

"I thought, with everything that happened today, if you want to. That maybe you could sleep with me? In my bed? If you want?" Buck says, his eyes anywhere but on Eddie as he makes his offer.

"Yeah. I do," Eddie blurts out before Buck can change his mind.

"Yeah?" Buck asks, looking so hopeful, that Eddie has to cross the room and hug him immediately. They cling on to one another unmoving, Buck's heart racing a little against Eddie's chest. He must have been so frightened to _ask_, Eddie thinks.

"_Yes_," Eddie whispers into his neck which Buck of course shudders for, wrapping his arms around him tighter. If Eddie lets his lips graze over the skin there in a sort of kiss, neither of them say anything. Even when they let go of one another long after Eddie pulled Buck into that hug.

Eddie has no idea how he is supposed to keep his hands to himself. He lets Buck take him by the hand and lead him upstairs, climbing in to bed beside him, letting Buck arrange him however he wants. Which tonight means he is curled on his side with Buck spooned around him; how can Eddie do _anything_ but smile in the dark?

"Goodnight," Buck whispers with a squeeze of Eddie's fingers against his stomach, and a nuzzle against the back of his head.

"Night, Buck," Eddie replies, nudging back against him. He will sleep well tonight, of that Eddie is sure. Just as soon as he stops feeling so _giddy_ for falling asleep in Buck's arms.


	5. Chapter 5

When Eddie arrives at Buck's this time, the door is already open. He pushes against it straining his ear and thinking he hears talking, calling out before really stepping inside.

"Hey. You're here," Buck says with the biggest, most welcoming of smiles.

"We aren't staying; don't worry."

Eddie fixes a smile on his face telling himself he will not look startled for seeing Chim, and then Maddie round the corner from the kitchen. "Hi."

"I made too much food," Maddie says as she pats Eddie on the arm in greeting.

"You don't even _cook_ on Fridays," Buck protests turning to glare at his sister, "you do your weird take out thing."

"Not weird. Practical," Chim replies, shrugging. "Anyway. We'll leave you to it. Be good."

Eddie opens his mouth to speak, though Maddie is already hugging Buck goodbye, _grinning_ at Eddie over his shoulder as she does. He watches the door click closed behind them, then turns to Buck. "What was that about?"

Buck's hand is up in the back of his hair, the slightest tinge of pink to his cheeks. "Honestly? I have _no_ idea. She's been _smiling_ at me like that all week. I half-expected they were showing up to show me an engagement ring, or something."

That would be pretty _quick_, Eddie thinks, though doesn't say out loud. "Weird."

"I hope you're hungry," Buck says, waving for Eddie to follow. "We have this chicken, potato, cheese _thing_; I don't even know what it is, but it looks good."

"I could eat," Eddie agrees as he lowers his bag to its usual spot beside the couch.

"I mean, we could eat _later_. I meant I hope you're hungry _later_," Buck says, with a hopeful look in his eyes that Eddie doesn't know what to do with.

"I will be."

"How's Chris?" Buck asks as he always asks, forever putting a smile on Eddie's face. Though Eddie is still stuck on the smile on Maddie's face. An unsettled feeling begins to stir in his stomach as he watches Buck moving around the kitchen putting things away, and getting them drinks. Eddie feels off balance, like something doesn't quite fit. "He's good. You don't think Maddie knows what we're doing here, do you?"

Buck's smile flickers as he spins back from the fridge with beers in hand. "What? No."

"Okay." The last thing Eddie needs is Buck's_ sister_ realizing how he feels about him. Eddie doesn't think it would take five seconds before Chim knew, and then the entirety of 118, and probably half of Los Angeles as well. Chim is a _gossip_. And then Buck wouldn't want anything to do with him at all. Eddie feels _sick_ for the thought, resting a hand on his stomach as it flutters in protest.

"If she _did_, I'd have already had the lecture," Buck adds, with a slight clip to his tone.

"What lecture?"

"You know. The _make sure you don't get yourself hurt, Evan_, lecture, like I'm still a kid, or something. I don't think she's learned how to stop mothering me yet."

_Buck_ getting hurt? Eddie wouldn't allow it. How would he hurt him, anyway? Eddie knows not to push, or ask for too much, is always more than happy to follow Buck's lead. Though he wants to hug him anyway, to reassure himself that Buck _isn't_ hurting. Buck _oofs_ for Eddie throwing his arms around him pressing their chests together, not quite hugging him back for the cold beers still in his hands.

"I'd never do anything to hurt you, Evan. _Never_," Eddie insists, clinging tighter when Buck goes to move.

Buck nods against his shoulder, then nudges his head against Eddie's. Eddie thinks he _likes_ it when he calls him by his name. He's only done it a few times, but the look on his face is one Eddie has cataloged for its sweetness. "I know you wouldn't. Well; not in any ways that aren't _fun_, anyway."

Eddie freezes, for all kinds of things running through his thoughts that he doesn't even know what to make of. Buck's shoulders raise as he snorts laughter into Eddie's neck, pulling back out of his grip.

"I don't know what you were thinking there. But I was _joking_."

Eddie smiles, a little lost as he follows Buck through to the lounge.

They catch each other up on the few things they haven't already shared throughout the week, Eddie making Buck laugh when he tries to replicate the dance Carla had him and Christopher doing before he left. Buck's eyes are wide in delight, leaning into Eddie's side like there isn't enough room on the couch if he doesn't.

"So. I liked what we did last week. When everything—we had a really awful shift."

Eddie knows exactly what they did, losing more sleep replaying their kisses than he thinks he's replayed anything they've done together. "Oh?"

"When we _kissed_."

Eddie is sure Buck has been thinking about them kissing when they've spent time together throughout the week. But he also tells himself not to get carried away, or project a thing on to Buck that _he_ can't stop thinking about. "Yeah. Me, too."

"I just didn't think you'd _want_ to, is all."

"I did. I do. It's... I just didn't want to do something _you_ didn't want."

"I think it just makes sense? Considering everything else we're doing?" Buck says, back with that _hopeful_ sound in his voice. "I mean, _kissing_ is a big part of it."

"It is," Eddie replies, trying to ignore the urge to look at Buck's mouth. His only regret is that there hadn't been _more_ kisses. They had woken in Buck's bed the next morning as though the previous night had barely happened; friendly, and affectionate, but with none of the intimacy from the previous night. It is the hardest thing about all of this; Eddie knowing he can't really _touch_ Buck for another week. He'd ached to reach across the sheets and pull Buck close to him; even if for only a few more minutes. It's been playing on his mind, taunting Eddie when he wakes in the morning to find himself alone. He just hopes Buck might invite him to share his bed again.

"So maybe if we did something similar this week?" Buck says. "_More_, obviously, but—"

"Whatever you want."

"This is supposed to be about _you_."

"So you can't _like_ what we're doing? Buck. This can't all be about me. What do you want to do?"

Buck pauses before sipping his beer, taking a gulp and then taking his time to answer. "Maddie didn't just bring me food. She brought me a _rug_."

Eddie is lost for the subject change though only smiles. "That's... good?"

"Yeah. Apparently, when she bought it, she thought it would be good for her bedroom, but the color wasn't right, or something; I don't know. Looks okay in here though," Buck says, gesturing to the thick cream rug on the other side of the coffee table in front of the TV.

"Yeah. It does," Eddie agrees. Buck gives him a look that Eddie can't figure out at all, only smiling back at him in between sips of beer. "Buck. I'm happy to follow your lead with _whatever_. Okay?"

Buck looks down at the hand clasped around his thigh covering it with his own. "Okay. Like... _now_?"

Eddie's poor heart thrums with excitement for how eager Buck appears. He leans to put his bottle on the table watching Buck do the same before turning more to him. "Whenever you want, Buck."

"So. I can kiss you?"

Buck just might be the death of him if he keeps being so _polite_. Eddie can't have that, leaning forward to press their mouths together in claim before Buck can hesitate any longer. It really doesn't help with how relieved Buck sounds when he sighs against his mouth, resting his hand at the nape of Eddie's neck and circling his thumb there. Buck kisses him back unhurried, taking his time to explore his mouth with his tongue, encouraging Eddie to do the same with a nudge against his top lip and a change of angle.

"You like this?" Buck asks, his voice a little rougher than before.

"I really do."

"Yeah?"

Eddie kisses him firmer in answer, letting his fingers run over the front of Buck's shirt.

"You want this off?" Buck teases, pulling back to glance down at himself.

"Oh, I do."

Buck smiles against his mouth as he kisses him again, before tugging Eddie to get up from the couch. The way they undress one another is too _intimate_ for what is supposed to be nothing more than an experiment. As always Eddie fights with the need to talk about it and instead pushes the conversation to another time. How can he find words anyway, when Buck's skin is so soft against his palms? Why would Eddie want to _talk_, when Buck shudders so needily for his touch?

"You maybe want to suck me a little?" Buck asks once they are sat again. Eddie doesn't answer, only nudges for Buck to turn to him on the couch, lapping up his length before sucking his tip into his mouth; before Buck has even stopped moving. Buck pulls one leg up so his foot is flat on the couch and his other on the floor, giving Eddie room, stroking over the back of his head in encouragement.

"Your _mouth_," Buck groans out, running his thumb over Eddie's top lip. Eddie pulls off to suck his thumb instead, smiling a kiss to his tip before lapping over his cock head.

"Good?"

"_Yeah_."

Eddie mouths up his length from root to tip before sucking on his head again. "Anything you want?"

"You maybe want to, like, swallow around me?"

Eddie takes him in his mouth, as much as is comfortable, splaying his hands on Buck's thighs as he does. He teases him, working his tongue against him while watching the way Buck's stomach ripples in anticipation. When he swallows, for the desperate _wail_ that falls from Buck's mouth, Eddie has to close his eyes. The _noises_ Buck makes keep Eddie awake at night just for remembering them. Like this one _now_. So he takes his time to swallow around him again, smiling for the way Buck jolts for him doing it.

"Okay?" he asks, thinking he has every right to be as smug as he feels. Buck looks _broken_ when he looks up at him.

"..._fuck_."

Eddie snorts a kiss against Buck's thigh, lapping and licking over the length of him, before sucking on his crown. "Anything else?"

"Maybe take a little more of me in. Not to swallow, just... let me in your mouth."

Eddie takes his time to drag his lips up the length of him, taking a little more of Buck in each time. He freezes when his cock nudges the back of his throat, changing the angle of his jaw and trying again. Buck's hand presses gently on the back of his head telling Eddie to stop moving, and the curses and praise that then spew from him leave Eddie aching to touch himself.

Eddie _loves_ doing this to him, loves all the noises he can get him to make. Though he then knows disappointment for Buck tapping him on the shoulder, telling him to pull off. "I need a taste of you," Buck tells him, stealing a quick kiss when Eddie kneels back up. "I have something else in mind for after."

"Whatever you want, Buck."

Eddie groans out his name when Buck seals his mouth around him, always the perfect pressure in exactly the spot Eddie likes. He runs his fingers through Buck's hair, doing his best to repeat some of the praise Buck uses for him. Though Buck's mouth is so _good_ Eddie can barely get a word out. Eddie is almost disappointed that he pulls off so soon.

"Sorry. I just don't think I could stop if I keep going. And I want us to try something," Buck explains, half-propped up over Eddie with his hand braced against the couch.

"Anything."

Buck waits until Eddie nods, moving him along the couch a touch before straddling his lap. Eddie stutters in surprise for it. They've touched each other a lot, but never like _this_. How is he supposed to respond for having Buck sat in his lap? Tentatively, keeping his eyes on Buck's to make sure this is what he wants, Eddie, runs his palms up his thighs, taking his time to explore Buck's skin. He walks his fingers up his chest, teasing his fingertips over his length before taking him in hand. Eddie tilts his chin for a kiss, smiling when Buck shudders against his mouth.

"I thought we could do this together," Buck says, dropping his gaze to look at Eddie's hand on him. Eddie doesn't know what he means, letting Buck move until he has angled himself enough for their cocks to be pressed together, encouraging Eddie to wrap his fingers around them both.

Eddie whimpers as Buck slots his own fingers between, watching as they begin to stroke together. The feel of Buck pressed against him is like _nothing_ he was thinking; how have they waited so long to do something that feels as good as this?

"Okay?" Buck whispers, for which Eddie can only rapidly nod his head before kissing him again.

Buck stirs his hips, gently writhing in Eddie's lap as they stroke, whimpering against his mouth as he does. Eddie's free hand flutters up his side, one moment settling on Buck's hip, the next splaying wide on his thigh. He wants to touch _all _of him, _now_. How many hours he could spend just exploring Buck's body, getting to know all the places in him that bring him pleasure?

"I'm not done with you yet," Buck says then, nipping against the corner of Eddie's mouth before pulling back to smile.

"No?" Eddie replies, his eyes falling closed for yet another surge of pleasure washing through him when Buck does this _thing_ to him with his hand that makes his cock jolt.

"Not even close."

"Okay. Well, tell me where you want me."

Buck _beams_ at him like that is exactly what he wants to hear. He circles his thumbs over their cock heads a final time before sliding from Eddie's lap, winking as Eddie helps him up. Then he extends his hand to pull Eddie up with him, hands running down his back to rest on his waist, before grabbing his ass and pulling Eddie closer for a filthy kiss.

Eddie stutters for it, breathless as he tries to keep up, grabbing Buck closer to him as well. Buck's lips against his throat has Eddie rutting against him, cursing when his knees give a little.

"It's okay," Buck teases with a kiss to his cheek, "I meant for us to be somewhere else."

"Okay?"

"That rug I mentioned," Buck says, slotting their hands together, leading Eddie around the table and gesturing at the floor.

"Well. It does look comfortable."

"It does. We should try it." Buck holds his hand guiding Eddie to sit, then after grabbing a pillow from the couch dropping to his knees. "Scoot back a little."

Buck has Eddie on his back on the rug, pillow supporting his head, splaying his legs wide on Buck's guidance. He feels so _exposed_, dragging his feet up the rug letting his knees fall apart further. Buck sucks his lower lip into his mouth, his gaze over Eddie deliberate and filled with heat. He takes his time to stroke over his thighs, and then his chest, teasing Eddie with a walk of fingertips up his length.

"Do you trust me?" Buck asks, resting his hands on Eddie's knees.

"Always."

Buck nods, moving so that his hands are braced either side of Eddie, angling so he can stroke his cock up the length of his. Eddie's response is a choked out groan, lifting his head to watch the way they are sliding together. He catches the way Buck swallows for it and _needs_ to have him closer, tugging until Buck drops and settles between his thighs. Buck adjusts his balance, resting on his forearms either side of Eddie's head, swallowing hard again before he starts to writhe against him.

"How's that?" he asks, his own eyes closing in pleasure before he looks at him again.

Eddie experiments with rolling his hips up to meet him, sweeping his hands down Buck's back to rest at his waist. "_Amazing_."

"Yeah?"

"Yes..."

Buck kisses him again, stirring his hips slowly, encouraging Eddie with kisses and praise to move with him. Eddie_ needs_ more, cupping his ass so he can grind up against him, Buck's lips now a hot brand against his neck. Again Eddie thinks to ask why they haven't done this sooner but is too lost in how _good_ Buck feels against him to do much else but hold on.

Buck is in no hurry, keeping his movements slow, letting Eddie's name fall from his lips along with more praise, and cursing, and noises that go straight to Eddie's core. He wants to savor all of this, wants them to make use of this _rug_ for hours, but for how quickly he is building knows they won't be going for much longer at all.

"You maybe wanna roll over?" Buck asks as he rolls his hips, propping himself back up again and waiting for Eddie to answer.

"Like..."

"You on me?"

Eddie drags him into another kiss before nudging for Buck to move, groaning for how eager Buck is to spread himself open for him to see. He intends to let himself _look_; first stroking his fingertips up Buck's inner thighs, then cupping and massaging his balls in the exact way he knows Buck likes. Buck only smiles up at him, crossing his arms behind his head, all but _offering_ himself to Eddie. He hums his encouragement when Eddie leans down, mouthing a path up his chest, lapping over a nipple, really letting himself explore like he never has before.

"If you tilt your hips right, you can get your hands on us both again. That felt so good."

Eddie is happy to oblige, bracing on one hand as he lines up against Buck, letting his eyes close as he starts to stroke.

"You don't wanna see?" Buck teases, which opens Eddie's eyes again and invites him to do just that. The sight of their cocks in the stretched grip of his hand Eddie decides is a _beautiful_ thing; if he has his way, he'll be seeing it over and over again after tonight.

"So good," he says, then watching as Buck unfolds his arms and reaches for his waist.

"Lie on me so I can feel you," Buck tells him, opening his legs further still. Buck's fingers curl through his hair as Eddie does as asked, Eddie's thoughts stolen for the thick hardness he gets to rut against. He doesn't trust himself to look at Buck while feeling like this; overwhelmed by how easy it is for Buck to let him touch him. And if he feels _this_ good just pressed against him, Eddie has no clue how he'll deal when he gets to be inside him. He drops his face into Buck's neck mouthing at his throat.

"That's good, Eddie, just _there_," Buck groans, sweeping his hands over his back before grabbing his ass to grind up beneath him. He nudges his head against Eddie's demanding a kiss that only leaves Eddie moving faster to chase his pleasure. Though then Buck has other ideas, suddenly flipping them over in a move that is _really_ unfair. Eddie lies there stunned, huffing with laughter for Buck's smug expression.

They grab for one another again, Buck's breath blasting from him as he writhes between Eddie's legs. Eddie needs to touch all of him at once, trying to pull him even closer as Buck moves.

"_Buck_," he groans out desperately as he comes without warning, shuddering beneath him. Buck slows only to look down between them before claiming Eddie's mouth again, rutting against him firmer.

There is _nothing_ Eddie can think of as erotic as feeling Buck spill against him like this, feel the way he shudders through his orgasm while pressed so close against him. The groan Buck mouths into his neck when he collapses on him is beautiful as well; Eddie knows it is going to be _hell_ to give this up when he has to.

But for now, he doesn't want to think about it, only wants to focus on the way Buck's hair feels with his fingers curled through it as he cradles him close while they catch their breath. In between kisses, of course; Eddie wonders if now that they've started, they'll not be able to stop.

"How was that?" Buck asks after a while, absent kisses to Eddie's throat as Eddie traces patterns over his back.

"Well. I think we can definitely confirm that the rug is comfortable."

Buck snorts laughter into his skin before lifting his head to smile at him. "Well. That's good, at least."

"I loved it. I want _more_ of it. Obviously not right now, though," Eddie adds because that is what he's supposed to say, isn't it? Even if he could happily lie here with Buck like this then go for round two in a few hours once they've rested.

"Good. I'm glad."

"You feel really good," Eddie blurts out before he can stop himself.

Buck's smile is both bashful and proud. "You feel pretty good yourself. I can't believe you keep letting me do all these things to you, and you don't even object."

"Why would I object?"

"Because this is all new to you. I could understand it if you wanted to... I don't know. I'd understand if you had questions, or whatever."

"My only _question_ is who gets first shower," Eddie replies, which isn't what is on his mind at all.

Buck nuzzles against him anyway, nodding. "Well. Considering the mess we made _together_, maybe it makes sense to shower together as well?"

He gets to touch Buck for longer. He gets to explore his skin under a shower spray, maybe kiss him for a little longer too. Eddie answers with a kiss, wrapping his arms around Buck to keep him close when he looks in no hurry to move. Surely if Buck isn't trying to escape already, a few more minutes like this won't hurt?

* * *


	6. Chapter 6

Eddie laughs in surprise for Buck's hand darting out of his door to clasp on to the front of his shirt, dragging him inside. The air is punched from his lungs for Buck backing him against the wall, kissing him furiously before he even has the door closed. It takes Eddie several seconds to catch up to the fact that Buck is naked.

"Well, hello to you, too," Eddie teases, letting his bag slide from his shoulder and resting his hands on Buck's back. _Politely_. Even if polite is not what he wants to be.

"You said it yourself before we left the station; we got riled up today."

They did. It was a frustrating day for them both with several incidents that just couldn't be resolved easily, no matter how they tried. Both have been on edge for it, though if Eddie is honest, it's a feeling he has constantly of late. How else is he supposed to feel when he only gets to have his hands on Buck for one evening a week and Buck is right there with him so much of the time? Especially when it's not even supposed to mean anything yet it is all he keeps finding himself thinking about?

"Well. We're here now."

"We are. And I have plans for you."

Eddie grins, letting his hands slip to cup Buck's ass to tug him closer. "Oh, yeah?"

"Did you do what I said?"

Eddie clears his throat, nodding before claiming a kiss, absolutely not thinking about what he'd done in his bathroom before leaving. Buck had been so practical and direct with his instructions, which for reasons Eddie doesn't want to dwell on riled him up all the more. All that matters now is that he is clean... in places he has never been clean before. "Did, uh... did you?" he asks, and because his hands are already on Buck's ass, Eddie lets himself run a finger against the crease of his cheeks.

"Eddie," Buck says, his throat clicking as he answers, though not before rocking his hips back a little in invitation, "I wouldn't ask you to, if I wasn't willing myself."

Eddie kisses him harder for it, ache pulsing in him for the thought of getting his fingers into Buck, and him doing the same to him. It isn't just _today_, or this _week_ that's had Eddie on edge feeling like he might climb out of his own skin if he doesn't get some kind of release. And it doesn't help that Buck has started sending him texts when he goes to bed that at best are suggestive, and at worst make it impossible for Eddie to sleep without taking himself in hand.

"Well. I'm assuming given... _this_," Eddie says with a squeeze at Buck's hips as he gently nudges him back, "you mean for us to, uh... _now_?"

Buck smiles, smug and pleased with himself, biting his lower lip when Eddie takes him in hand. He drops his head to watch him adjusting his stance, letting his fingertips rest just above Eddie's belt beneath his t-shirt. "Well. This is good first too."

"Yeah?"

"Yes."

"Huh," Eddie says, continuing to stroke him as he tilts his chin for a kiss. "Just this?"

Buck smiles against his mouth, _feeling_ smug to Eddie. "Anything you want."

Eddie smiles back, sinking to his knees without another word, letting his eyes fall closed as he licks up the length of him then takes Buck in his mouth. 

"_Fuck_."

Forever making the best kinds of noises, Buck rocks a little into his mouth while running his fingers over Eddie's scalp. He cut his hair yesterday, and for Buck's gentle attention everything feels extra sensitive. Eddie hums around his length, loving the way Buck stumbles for it.

"You are _so_ good at that," Buck tells him, running his thumb over Eddie's top lip.

Eddie pulls off to kiss up the length of him again. "Well. I had a good teacher, right?"

Buck drags him to his feet kissing Eddie brutally, backing him against the wall. Though that doesn't last long either for Buck grabbing his hand and tugging Eddie to follow him through to the lounge, already pulling at his clothes. Eddie hops as he loses his balance kicking off his boots, though soon is just as naked as Buck, dropping to the couch beside him but then rolling so he can straddle Buck's lap.

"Oh. That's _perfect_," Buck says, pressing his hands into Eddie's thighs. "You maybe wanna lean back... pass me that?"

Eddie wraps a hand around Buck's arm as he leans back, bringing a bottle of lube from the table to drop on the couch cushions. Though Buck encourages him to keep hold of it, holding out his hand palm up. Eddie does as directed, squeezing the bottle to drizzle it over his fingers, watching him coat them. The moment he has, Buck spreads his legs so Eddie has to adjust his balance. 

"Okay. You want to try this?"

"That's why we're here," Eddie replies, draping his arms over Buck's shoulders and kissing him; since that's a thing they do now, he's doing it every chance he gets. If only it was something they were doing more than one evening a week. Though he doesn't need to waste time dwelling on that now.

Buck strokes his fingers between his cheeks, parting them with a thumb and finger, kissing Eddie before nudging for him to angle back. "You tell me to stop if you need me to, okay? For anything."

"Okay."

"I mean it. You don't need to pretend, or act like everything's okay if it's not. Just tell me."

"I will," Eddie says, brushing their lips together. He trusts Buck implicitly. If he didn't, they wouldn't be here now.

Buck presses him more open, a fingertip stroking along the crease of him in exploration. When it dips in a little Eddie jolts for it, even for telling himself he is prepared. Even for exploring a little by himself at home. This is _different_ though; mostly, because _Buck_ is doing it. 

The press into him is strange. It doesn't hurt, or feel amazing, or seem anything like he might have been expecting. Though for Buck looking so concerned Eddie kisses him in reassurance, angling his hips back. It isn't until Buck begins to stroke his finger in and out of him that Eddie really starts to _feel_ something, slight sparks of pleasure beginning to flare out. 

"Good?"

"I think so?"

"It gets better," Buck promises him, continuing to stroke.

"I believe you."

"Especially when I do _this_..."

A confused groan punches from Eddie for the crook of a finger in him, circling over a spot that feels really, _really_ good. Buck does it again, alternating between circling and tapping, smiling when Eddie angles back for more.

"Okay?"

"Really okay."

"Imagine something _else_ pressing into you doing this," Buck teases slipping a second finger into him. Eddie flinches for the slight sting of it though quickly shakes his head when Buck stops.

"Keep going," he whispers, kissing Buck again.

So Buck does, fucking his fingers into him one moment then circling over his prostate the next, taking his time with everything he does. Eddie whimpers through it all, doing his best to keep kissing him yet missing repeatedly. Though how is he supposed to concentrate when he feels like _this_?

"Imagine _me_ in you," Buck says, his voice rough as he brushes his lips over Eddie's. His smile is triumphant when the only response Eddie can give is a pitiful whimper for thinking of just that. "You like that idea? For another time, obviously; you should probably feel what it's like being _in_ someone first. I'm guessing you're more used to that, even if... well. It's more what you're used to. I guess?"

How is Eddie supposed to answer when all he can think about now is sliding into Buck, pulling all those beautiful noises from him that he loves to hear so much? He _aches_ just for the idea, absently taking himself in hand, which Buck apparently approves of the sight of for the way he smiles.

"You want that, Eddie?"

"_Yes_. I _do_. I really do."

"Then, something for next time, right? Or the time after that, or something. We don't need to rush anything; not if you don't want." 

Eddie curls his fingers through the back of Buck's hair kissing him as much as he can, writhing for the pleasure of Buck's fingers in him and his hand on himself. Buck's encouragement in between kisses is sinful; Eddie's never been much of a talker during sex, but Buck's continual praise and voicing everything he's thinking and feeling is just one of the _many_ things Eddie looks forward to when they're like this. Even Buck monitoring his every expression checking that he's doing okay _does_ something to Eddie. His whimper when Buck slides a third finger into him earns Eddie a smile that only puts further flutters in his stomach leaving Eddie incoherent, stirring his hips trying to writhe down on his hand.

"Keep going," Buck urges, nodding for Eddie to keep stroking himself, humming his approval when he twists his hand and speeds up. "What do you like better? This?" he asks circling his finger over Eddie's prostate again. "Or _this_?" he says, thrusting his fingers into him firmer, laughing softly when Eddie curses. "Okay. Maybe that."

"All of it."

"Then, I'll keep going."

"_Please.._."

"Yeah?"

"_Please_... please don't stop."

Buck kisses him through it smiling for every whimper and moan. Though then he pulls back to _wink_ at him, stilling his fingers. "Maybe you should let me try something else."

If Buck wants to be in him, _now_, Eddie has no objections. Though he doesn't think that is what's happening at _all_; not for the way Buck guides him to rest his forearms on the back of the couch, kneeling on it with his legs spread and arching his hips back.

"So. You _need_ to tell me if you don't like this. And you also don't need to think you have to _do_ this. This can be weird if you've never done it before."

"Doing what?" Eddie asks, letting his head fall forward and gripping the back of the couch as Buck slides his fingers into him.

"Do you trust me, Eddie?" Buck asks, circling his fingers in him in the most perfect way, leaving Eddie rocking back for more of it.

"_Yes_." Though Eddie would trust him more if he kept doing what he is doing. Why is he stopping?

Eddie feels himself held open, aching for it, and then curls in over himself for the warm, wide lick of tongue over his hole. Buck flicks his tongue against him before lapping into him as much as the ring of muscle will allow. Eddie is delirious for it, writhing and cursing and even _begging_ for him to keep going. Buck is relentless, humming against him and moaning like he's enjoying eating him out as much as Eddie likes receiving it. He is so tightly wound with how close he is to coming that he has tears in his eyes.

For a choked off sob falling from his lips Eddie feels Buck pull back from him, running his hands over his back in alarm.

"Eddie? Are you okay?"

Eddie wants to say many things, but the noise that bursts from his mouth is nowhere near a word.

"Eddie?"

For the concern in Buck's voice Eddie shakes his head, dropping his head against Buck's shoulder when he sits beside him and looks up. Eddie's legs won't stop trembling, leaving him boneless as Buck guides him once more to sit in his lap. Buck cups his face, and the worry in his eyes won't do at all. He kisses the heel of Buck's hand when he can, shaking his head.

"You doing okay?"

He isn't, not for how hard he is aching, and for how, when he clenches, Eddie is convinced he can still feel Buck's fingers and tongue. But for how incredible he is feeling, he's doing just _fine_. If only he could get his mouth to cooperate to tell him that.

"_Please_," he croaks, when words come back to him, "I really need to come."

Buck clicks his tongue in sympathy, guiding him to kneel up again. Without pause or comment Buck slips his fingers back into him thrusting against that perfect spot, then rests his other hand on Eddie's hip, lapping over his length before taking him into his mouth.

Eddie lasts _second_s, stuttering and whimpering and cursing as he spills on his tongue, clenching on Buck's fingers. Buck guides him to sit, and Eddie collapses against him in a heap, so exhausted he can barely move.

"Well. If I'd known you'd have that kind of reaction, I'd have done that to you _way_ before now," Buck says after a while, running his hands over Eddie's back. Eddie's own limbs won't cooperate; his hands sort of clasp at Buck's waist but there is no really energy behind it. Buck snorts laughter into his shoulder, carefully guiding Eddie to sit beside him.

"Where are you going?" Eddie says in alarm as Buck stands, his heart pounding in a way he knows is irrational. 

"I think you need something stronger to drink," Buck says with a tender kiss to his forehead as he strokes a hand up Eddie's thigh. "I'll be right back. I promise."

Eddie still clings to his fingers a little longer before he can bring himself to let go. He wants to tuck into his side when Buck returns with glasses and a bottle barely a minute later. Buck first pours him a glass then throws an arm around Eddie's shoulders, pouring his own drink one-handed once Eddie has taken a drink.

"Better?" Buck asks, squeezing him close, and pressing kisses over his temple and cheek. 

Eddie _needs_ more. He drains his glass, turns towards him, claiming Buck's mouth with a needy kiss. Buck obliges immediately, pausing only to get their glasses on the floor then giving Eddie exactly what he needs. 

When Eddie feels more like himself again, he also knows embarrassment for his reaction. Buck is having none of it, kissing and cuddling him until he can smile easier.

"So. Was that too much for you?" Buck asks, his voice tinged with concern. 

Eddie shakes his head cuddling closer with his own reassurance. "No. It was perfect. I just felt... I don't know how I felt after. I _loved_ it. I just... all of that, was a whole lot of _new_ to me."

Buck nods in understanding, splaying a hand against Eddie's chest as he kisses him unhurried.

Eddie cups his face between his hands kissing him thoroughly, dropping their foreheads together when they are done. "I need to do that to you. Well. _Some _of it." Eddie thinks they've found one thing at least that he's going to need to work up to a little. Buck's expression when he tells him is nothing but patient, even kissing him for it.

"There's no rush. There's no rush for any of this." Though Buck does nudge Eddie to move back so he can lie on the couch, encouraging Eddie to crawl between his legs. They move together slow and unhurried, Eddie loving the feel of Buck hard against him. He's _leaking_, which Eddie always loves to see, unable to resist moving so he can lap over his head. 

Buck groans for it, hooking one leg over the back of the couch, his fingers back to running over Eddie's head. "Yeah, keep doing that."

Though Eddie has other ideas. He's a pretty quick learner, continuing to suck Buck's cock as he grabs the lube from where they pushed it to the floor, already slicking up his fingers. Buck is trying to _kill_ him, Eddie is sure, for the way he reaches down between his legs and holds himself open to help him. It is obvious how much he wants, but is still willing to hold back.

"You don't have to do this."

"But I _want_ to do this," Eddie replies.

"Okay. So just press in when you feel it give; you won't hurt me."

Eddie covers Buck's hands with his own so he can _look_ before stroking up the crease of him, pressing a fingertip against his hole. He has none of Buck's finesse though explores as gently as he can, hooking his fingers inside him how Buck guides him to and gasping for the way Buck jolts forward with a soft moan.

"Just like that. It's perfect," Buck tells him, his voice already strained. Though curses fall from his mouth next when Eddie stirs a finger in him in time with sucking him into his mouth. 

He has no coordination to add to that lack of finesse, but for the noises Buck is making he thinks he can't be doing too bad. The sight of Buck writhing down on his fingers when he presses a second into him has _Eddie_ whimpering, kissing up the underside of his cock just so he can catch his breath. All he wants is to make Buck feel good, just like he's just done him.

"Put another in me," Buck calls out, reaching to hold himself open again. Eddie does as asked, torn between watching the way his fingers sink into Buck and the blissed out expression on his face. "Yeah, just like that. Harder, though, if you want."

"Do _you_ want?" Eddie asks, flicking his tongue out over Buck's cock head for knowing it will delay his answer.

"_Yes_," Buck groans trying to rock down on his hand again, cursing when Eddie begins to fuck his fingers into him. Buck's hands clench and unclench in fists by his side, his breath coming out in short blasts. "Now do this." Eddie watches the way Buck presses his own fingers together then begins flexing them apart, doing the same inside him. Buck _wails_ for it, looking down at Eddie's hand with his mouth gaping open, stirring his hips in encouragement. 

"Good?"

Buck's laugh chokes out of him. He lets his head drop back against the couch arm with a thud, covering his face with his forearm. "_Yeah_..." he croaks back at him. His entire body jolts when Eddie twists his fingers in him stirring his fingertips over his prostate before scissoring them apart again. Eddie laps over his shaft before sucking his cock head back into his mouth, smiling around him when Buck cries out his name.

Maybe them both being riled up all day long is why Buck comes just as hard as Eddie just did, Buck groaning when Eddie laps up every spill he makes. Eddie doesn't think that's why Buck hauls him up so his face is pressed in his neck and Buck has his arms around him, but he's not going to complain. Eddie closes his eyes pressing kisses into his skin monitoring how Buck's racing heart starts to calm.

"How was that?" Buck asks as he strokes his fingers over his ass, smiling when Eddie lifts his head.

"Well. I think we'll need to do it some more. You know, for _practice_," Eddie tells him, and when Buck tilts his chin for it, leans for a kiss. Buck sighs against his mouth letting his hands come to rest over his lower back, seeming in no hurry for them to be stopping any time soon. 

They even doze a little, Eddie shifting to drop his head on Buck's shoulder, smiling for how protectively he holds him in his arms. They have slept like this a couple of times now, in Buck's _bed_, and Eddie doesn't know which he likes better; this, or having Buck curled around him from behind. Though it only makes it more painful for Eddie when, come morning, they are back to only _friends_. Eddie keeps thinking to say he'll sleep downstairs again, put a little distance between them, but when Buck offers his hand there is never any way for him to say no. Though for the warmth of Buck's arms around him currently, Eddie tells himself not to dwell on it now.

That Buck then nudges him to move and flips him over so they can keep kissing on the couch has Eddie's heart racing all the more. How is he ever supposed to give this up? How is he supposed to go back to just _friendly_ come morning yet again? Eddie doesn't know how long he can keep doing this for the chaos it's putting in his heart. But for the sweet look on Buck's face in between kisses, there is no power in Eddie to tell him to stop. So he runs his hands repeatedly over his back intending to kiss Buck for as long as he'll let him. He'll deal with the aftermath when he's alone. 


	7. Chapter 7

Buck's smile when he opens the door puts flutters in Eddie's stomach that he kids himself he doesn't feel. Or that they don't mean anything. Every time Eddie shows up at Buck's for this _thing_ they're doing together is the time he tells himself he'll say it needs to be the last.

It was a lie before, when the intimacy that is them kissing wasn't a factor of their evening activities. It's a lie _now_. Now _kissing_ forms a huge part of what they are doing together; while they're having sex, in the shower after, when they're cooking dinner together—even when they go to _bed_. It's been a couple of months since that first time Buck invited him to come upstairs, and Eddie's half-convinced himself he's forgotten how to sleep alone.

Though this week there is a different kind of tension in the air, one Eddie feels a _little_ silly for. Which he has no reason to; ever since this thing started they have both been open and honest about what they do together. His feelings not so much, trying to fake the nonchalance Buck exhibits every week and pretending it doesn't wound him at all that Buck doesn't _want_ him like he does Buck. When it _does_ wound him; Eddie thinks he might be getting a little _obsessed_ with a certain Evan Buckley. He's just going to have to keep acting otherwise, or risking losing one of the most important people in his life.

But Buck greeting him with a kiss and a hug, his sweet inquiries after Christopher and Abuela, and all the other soft attention he gives Eddie before they are even on the couch; how is Eddie supposed to pretend what they're sharing isn't meaningful? Especially when his _kid_ loves Buck so much, and it's been months of torture being on the receiving end of Abuela's knowing smile? Thankfully she doesn't know _everything_; his Abuela is pretty understanding but Eddie isn't sure she would understand _this_. Half the time he doesn't himself, it's just he doesn't know how to stop any of this for knowing he'll feel bereft if he doesn't get to _touch_ Buck again.

"You know. There was a moment today, when I thought you were gonna kiss me in front of Hen," Buck says once he's taken their usual beers from the fridge and sinks down on the couch by Eddie's side. He is distracted; normally, getting their drinks comes before they settle, but there is a look on Buck's face that Eddie _wishes_ means as much as he is pretending it does. He looks _so_ happy to see him, as though Eddie being here has made not only his evening, but his entire world. That's how _Eddie_ feels about being with Buck.

"Oh?" Eddie says belatedly for letting his gaze linger too long on Buck's mouth.

"Just after dinner. When you came back from talking to Christopher."

Eddie takes his time to take a long drink of his beer, hoping to hide whatever his nervous smile might give away. He has _almost kissed Buck_ in front of everyone in the firehouse, at _least_ twice. And that's just this week. This is getting to be too much, but Eddie snorts with laughter like the idea is a stupid one. Him? Kiss _Buck_? Why would he do _that_? "Nope. I save all that for when we're _here_."

Buck shrugs unfazed, even if he drops his gaze. Eddie ignores the way his stomach drops in response. "Works for me."

"It would have been one way to stop that yoga instructor from flirting with you," Eddie adds fixing a smile on his face that is supposed to be hiding his jealousy. He hopes it does. Though Buck wouldn't be anything but amused by it anyway, Eddie is sure.

Buck groans, screwing his face up in a rueful smile. "Honestly? I'd have done anything to get her to back off."

Eddie is pleased that Buck apparently wasn't interested, at least, and a little entertained that he thinks _them_ _kissing_ would be a way to show her that. The yoga studio's wiring had caused utter chaos in the whole building it was in so Eddie is sure the instructor in question has long forgotten them both by now, but he can't help being happy that Buck had barely noticed the instructor. Which is silly, and selfish, and so not his business, though he also wishes it _was_ his business, so isn't that just as bad? Eddie takes long gulps of his beer to push back the bile in his throat for feeling so unbalanced by all of this. And because he is _here_, because nothing much is really off limits, Eddie takes another gulp for bravery then pushes the bottle to the table and turns to kiss Buck before he can talk himself out of it.

Buck smiles against his mouth feeling more than happy to be kissed; at least, that is how Eddie chooses to interpret his response. Eddie closes his eyes for the way Buck drapes an arm around his neck pressing them flush together, slipping his hands up the back of his t-shirt.

"I'm surprised you were even _dressed_ when I got here," Eddie teases for the last few times arriving to Buck either fresh from the shower in nothing but a towel, or wearing nothing at all.

Buck smiles, taking a drink of his beer that he pushes to the table beside Eddies before sitting back. "I was cold."

"Still cold now?" Eddie asks as Buck raises his arms so he can lift his t-shirt over his head.

"I'm doing okay."

"Well, _good_."

"How about you? Warm enough?" Buck asks as he helps Eddie out of his shirt, and starts unbuckling his belt. Eddie likes to think it's because Buck's need for him is just as great as his is for Buck. It's a far better thought than thinking Buck wants to get this over with, that this _experiment_ of theirs is starting to be something taking up too much of his time and he is bored of his company.

"I'm good," Eddie replies belatedly for getting lost in pushing down Buck's lounge pants and taking him in hand. He _loves_ it when he gets here and can get his hands on him quickly.

"I'd say you are," Buck agrees with a smile Eddie has to get a taste of.

It takes minutes for them to be naked, Buck draping over him so their cocks are pressed together, their hands joined in the perfect, lazy stroke over them both. Eddie sucks Buck's groans from his mouth, his stomach rippling for the pleasure he can see written over his face. Eddie would happily do this with him all night, though they have discussed what is happening this evening, so it isn't long before they're making their way up the stairs, anticipation building in his gut with every step.

"Is this still okay with you?" Buck asks once they're beside the bed. Eddie sees the lube on his nightstand and is both touched and terrified that he is so prepared, pulling Buck in by the waist to kiss him again.

"I am. But are you?"

"Am I sure about having you inside me?" Buck asks in _that_ tone, the one that always goes straight to Eddie's cock and leaves him jolting.

"Yeah."

"Believe me, I'm _sure."_

"Well. Okay then."

"Though like always; we'll take this as slow as you need, or want to. I don't have any expectations here. This is about _you_; okay, Eddie?"

"Well. It's at least a little bit about you," Eddie replies, guiding Buck on to his back on the bed.

"I've been thinking about you in me all _week_; ever since we started messaging about it."

Eddie splays Buck wider with a knock of his knees against Buck's thighs, mouthing at his neck before claiming his mouth. They'd started talking about this about an hour after Eddie left here last time, making Eddie have to control his smile and keep his phone out of the view of Abuela and Christopher. He has never got himself off as often as he has week, just for the thought of sliding into Buck.

"That why you sent me that video?" Eddie asks, rolling his hips to press them together.

"_Yes_. Did you like it?"

How can Buck even need to _ask_? Eddie broke a pair of earphones in his hurry to be able to watch the video that Buck had sent him after checking Christopher was already asleep in his bedroom. To watch the way Buck splayed himself open while thrusting slicked up fingers into himself had literally stolen Eddie's breath. He'd taken himself in hand as he'd watched, cursing through gritted teeth as Buck got himself off, gasping out _his_ name as he came.

"Didn't those pictures prove I did?" Eddie asks, still surprised at himself that he'd so easily pressed send on a photo of himself first with his cock in hand, and then the mess splattered over his chest when he'd come.

"Well. Maybe a little," Buck says in the most teasing of tones, even as he rocks up to join Eddie's thrusts.

It is _impossible_ for Eddie to now compartmentalize his life. This time he shares with Buck is not a separate world from everything else he shares with him outside of this night. Eddie doesn't know how _Buck_ does it, really. Over dinner at the firehouse, or at theirs when Buck comes over to eat with Eddie and Christopher; Eddie is always on edge for how badly he wants to touch him, or at least wink knowingly for what they share when alone or when they're messaging before bed. Even their messages throughout the day about everything else are distinctive in their difference. Eddie _aches_ for not being able to share more with him, and these videos and images are a stark reminder that they aren't _together_. But Buck just doesn't _want_ him like that.

Eddie forces the thought from his mind, kissing him harder, determined not to ruin _this_ by thinking too much. He kisses him through slicking up his fingers and working them into him, kissing Buck the entire time because he _needs_ to, to keep himself from blurting out something he shouldn't. "How's that?"

"Perfect. You're perfect," Buck croaks, reaching down to hold himself open as Eddie thrusts his fingers into him.

He _needs_ to be in him, but Eddie doesn't want this over so soon. So he kisses Buck again, sweet and slow before trailing kisses down his chest, smiling when Buck immediately parts his legs for it. Buck groans his name out as Eddie takes him in his mouth, fingers bunched in the sheets as his hips twitch to drive into his mouth deeper.

"Are you in a hurry?" Eddie teases, wrapping his fingers around his shaft and kissing Buck's tip when he looks up at him.

Buck's throat clicks as he shakes his head.

"No?" Eddie asks, teasing him with repeated laps over his head.

"No."

"Well, _good_." Eddie wants to explore, mouthing down his shaft and over his balls, covering Buck's hands with his own as he still holds himself open. Curious, he laps his tongue in a wide stripe over his hole, heat flaring in his gut for the whimper that falls from Buck's mouth. He looks up to see Buck pressing his head back into his pillows, _panting_. So he laps over him again, trying to work his tongue into him as Buck whines.

"I won't _last_," Buck calls out, his hands shaking as he tries to pull him up. Eddie mouths up his cock sucking in on his head a little before pitching up the bed. The way Buck grabs for him makes Eddie's heart soar. "Kiss me. _Please_."

Who is Eddie to deny him? He settles on his forearms toying with the hair at Buck's temple as they kiss, savoring the heat of Buck running his hands repeatedly over his back. Though then he settles one on his lower back and the other cradles Eddie's head, an intensity in Buck's kiss that Eddie doesn't know what to make of. Buck's breath is thready and his heart racing; Eddie wants to _ask_ what is happening but doesn't.

Buck keeps pulling him closer, twitching as though he means to throw his legs around Eddie's waist so he can sink into him. Though then he doesn't, freezing as he wraps his hands around his waist instead and nudges for him to move.

"I think you should try it like this," Buck says, moving far quicker than Eddie has time to register, turning then dropping on to his forearms and knees. Eddie can't help but stroke his hands over him enjoying the view, yet he'd thought they would take their time over this. That he'd get to watch Buck's face when he was in him. Still, for Buck rocking his hips back and forth, and Eddie able to see the way his hole glistens because of _his_ fingers, Eddie isn't complaining at all. He crawls behind him and between Buck's legs stroking his hands over his ass and thumbing him open. His cock jolts visibly when he circles a finger over his rim and Buck arches his hips back for it in invitation.

"I want you _in_ me, Eddie," Buck says, with desperation in his voice. How is Eddie to deny him anything?

Eddie takes himself in hand for a couple of strokes, pressing his cock head against his hole. Buck stutters for it, his head against the bed as he adjusts on his knees, fingers digging deep into his pillows. Eddie swallows trying to chase some of the dryness in his mouth away, pressing until he begins to dip into him. Eddie holds his breath the entire time he pushes into him, groaning when fully seated and cursing loud for it. Buck feels _incredible_.

"You do remember what I said about Spanish, Eddie?" Buck teases brokenly as he rocks back on his cock, answering in Spanish as well which is not _fair_; how is Eddie supposed to exist for hearing Spanish on Buck's tongue? Coupled with being buried deep in his ass, there is nothing else that is as incredible as _this_. He watches himself withdraw cataloging every swell of pleasure in him as he does, then rocks back into him with equal force, growling out his name.

"That's _good_," Buck tells him tilting his hips back for more, reaching back with one hand to grab Eddie's thigh in encouragement. He drops back on to both forearms with a relieved sigh as Eddie starts to fuck him; slowly because Eddie intends to savor this no matter how much his instincts tell him to speed up.

"You feel amazing," he manages to blurt out, holding Buck open so he can watch himself filling him, then grabbing him by the waist and using the leverage to fuck him harder when Buck calls for him to. Buck only calls out encouragement and urges him on, rocking back to meet him and adjusting on his knees giving them the most perfect of angles.

Though Eddie needs more. He drops forward curving over Buck's back pressing his hands into the bed either side of him, thrusting into him at a shallower angle. Buck whines for it, lifting his head back as he does so the sound carries around the room. Eddie experiments with a circle of his hips that leaves Buck calling out his name. He kisses the back of his neck as he fills him, grinding into Buck for every noise that he makes.

"Can I see you?" Buck asks then, making Eddie pause. He bends to kiss his shoulder blade then gently slides from him, easing Buck over on to his back. He winks in answer, already crawling between his legs and holding him open, leaning back to savor the view. This time when he fills him Eddie drops down to bracket his face between his forearms, monitoring Buck's expression.

"You doing okay, Buck?"

Buck swallows hard while nodding before tilting his chin for a kiss, loosely gripping on to Eddie's sides. He adjusts his feet against the bed beginning to move with him, then wraps his legs high around his waist drawing Eddie deeper in. "That is _so_ good," Buck whimpers out before claiming a gasp-filled kiss, his hands fluttering over his back before cradling Eddie's head like he needs to keep him near.

Eddie doesn't know what to think, or feel. The heat, and pressure in him, the _pleasure_ building in him for being in Buck; it is more than anything he's been imagining. Eddie knows he's in trouble; there is _nothing_ about any of this that is purely sex. He _needs_ Buck, and cares about him more than he ever has anyone else. He probably even loves him. Though Eddie is so confused by wanting Buck so much and not really being able to have him beyond _this_, any time Eddie catches himself _acknowledging_ those feelings he is terrified to explore them further.

Which doesn't mean love isn't what he's trying to give him now, pouring everything in to how he moves inside him, and every kiss that actually lands on his mouth. Even in their smiles and laughs for one another when they miss is affection like Eddie has shared with no other. He is in _so_ much trouble, but for the pleasure now about to peak in him there is nothing he can do. Eddie snaps his hips harder, cataloging every noise Buck makes, grinding into him when he starts to come. Eddie drops his face into Buck's neck not trusting his words if he lets himself talk.

"Eddie..." Buck choking out his name forces a whimper from Eddie's throat. He cuddles closer, exhausted, promising himself just a minute before he moves to help Buck finish off. Buck tries to nudge him so he can do it himself, and that is the catalyst to make Eddie move. He kisses him through it, rocking his hips gently as he curls up to make room to take him in hand, a click in his throat for the way Buck clenches around him just seconds later, spilling over his own chest.

"Are you okay?" Eddie asks, kneeling up, a roar of pride in his chest when Buck whimpers, shaking his head and grabbing at his thighs to pull him closer. "Buck?"

"I'm _good_," Buck croaks out with a flicker of a smile. The _look_ he gives him steals Eddie's breath.

"Yeah?"

"Yes," Buck says, lifting his head to look at the mess he's made of himself then angling up for a kiss. When Eddie goes to withdraw from him Buck shakes his head rapidly, grabbing him by the hips to keep him close. "Stay in me. Just a little bit?"

Eddie smiles for it, lazily stirring his hips like he is teasing him when in fact, he is doing all he can to prolong this _feeling_ of being in Buck. Now he knows it, it is going to be _hell_ keeping away from him until he comes here again. Eddie props himself up on one hand to grab for the box of tissues Buck's left on his nightstand, quickly wiping him up before dropping to press their chests together.

"You're not uncomfortable like his?" he asks, nosing against Buck's jaw, humming his approval when Buck strokes his hands over his back.

"Not yet. Are you?"

"No. I'm good."

Buck gives him that flicker of a smile again before quickly licking his lips. "Kiss me?"

Eddie tries not to dwell on how _needy_ Buck seems for him this evening. He _loves_ it, wanting to give him everything he needs. Eddie toys with Buck's hair as he kisses him, whispering a _sorry_ against his mouth when a quick stir of his hips for comfort leaves him slipping from Buck.

"Come here," Buck whispers, keeping hold of Eddie by his upper arms so he can't move too far away. Why would he, when Buck clings to him so tightly like he can't bear the thought of letting him go? Eddie kisses him back with all that he is, monitoring his expression in between kisses. He _can't_ let Buck know all he is feeling; he just _can't_.

When Buck yawns, he hides his face in Eddie's shoulder, hugging him close. Eddie traces his fingertips over Buck's back reveling in the peace between them. Maybe this is when they will talk, when they will work things out, try to turn this experience they are sharing into something more. But when Eddie tries, he has no idea what to say.

"So. Did you like that?" Buck asks when Eddie doesn't say anything, moving away to drop his head on his pillow. At least he is still holding his hand.

"I did. I do. Yeah; I did, Buck. And you?"

Buck smiles, trapping his lip between his teeth as he looks Eddie over, before he is hiding another yawn in his pillow. "Uh. _Yeah_."

"Okay. Good."

He's withdrawing from him. Already. Eddie can _feel_ the shift between them back from whatever the hell they've been doing back to _friends_. His heart races because it's too _soon_; why can't they share kisses for a couple more hours as they have done before?

"Can we stay here a little? If you're not hungry, that is," Eddie adds, testing the waters by splaying his hand over Buck's stomach.

Buck smiles, covering his hand with his own. "I can wait a while."

"Good." Though it _isn't_ good. Buck is looking at him like he expects he has something to say. And Eddie _doesn't_; he just doesn't know how to share all that he is feeling for what he could lose if he does.

Eddie can't stand it. He closes the gap between them burrowing into Buck's arms. He curls up like he intends to use Buck's chest as a pillow instead of what he's really doing; hiding his face so the frustration and fear is out of sight. Buck laughs in surprise for it but willingly holds him close as he rearranges to get more comfortable. He even lifts up enough to kiss the top of Eddie's head.

What the hell is he supposed to do when Buck is so _loving_ with him?

* * *


	8. Chapter 8

Eddie swears he can feel every beat of his heart against his ribcage for how hard it's been hammering on the drive to Buck's. He could _kick_ himself. For all of the intimate things they have done together in the last few months, for all the _sex_, nothing really prepared him for the emotional fallout of last week.

He'd wanted to reach for Buck in the morning, wanted to hold him in their sleep overnight. Buck hadn't even met his eyes, not for at least an hour, through showers, and breakfast, and one-word answers. Eddie had been devastated but did his best to hide it, pretending to behave the same as he always is with Buck. Only _friends_. Not two people who have grown to know each other so intimately.

This _education_ has broke something between them. Up until last week Eddie had kidded himself it might actually bring them closer, but for the vacant look in Buck's eyes when he's looked at him ever since, Eddie knows the opposite happened. How is he supposed to deal with a world without Buck in it? To look across the firehouse dining table at him and just think of Buck as another member of his team?

It has been hard to come up with excuses for Christopher for why they have only seen Buck once this week, and even that was in the company of other people as though Buck wanted to use Hen, Karen, and Denny as a shield. What is he supposed to tell Christopher when Buck stops coming over altogether? Eddie doesn't have a clue. Though he is sure of one thing, that the only reason Buck invited him over tonight as normal was to put an end to what they've been doing. Eddie pleads with his heart not to break too openly when Buck asks him to leave.

"Hi," Buck says when he opens the door, his smile not reaching his eyes, and his eyes barely reaching Eddie's face. What happened to the Buck who greeted him the last few weeks by kissing him furiously before Eddie even got through the door? He even hesitates before waving him in, taking his time to close the door behind him like it might be the last time he lets him in. Eddie mumbles an answer following his already retreating back, telling himself he will _not_ reveal just how upset he is.

"I thought, maybe we could call for pizza tonight," Buck says as he goes through their usual routine, taking beers from the fridge as Eddie makes himself at home on his couch. Which he can't easily tonight, not when everything about the atmosphere around them is stiff, and shattered.

"Sounds good," he says, trying to inject enthusiasm into his voice that he just doesn't feel.

"It's been a long few days; I didn't feel much like cooking."

"Pizza's good; honestly."

"Good."

Even the silence between them is strained. Wouldn't it be easier for Eddie just to turn around and leave again?

Buck makes small talk, slow to get started, talking over things they've shared together at work this week, and a wistful smile appearing on his face when he asks about Christopher. Buck is holding back from him, hiding behind a wall Eddie has never seen from him before. He hates it, and hates that he is the reason Buck put up that wall in the first place. He'd watched it settling over Buck as they'd laid together in his bed last week, catching their breath after he'd been _inside_ of Buck for the first time. _Last_ time. He should never have taken Buck up on his offer. Their friendship is so much more important, and now Eddie thinks he has ruined everything beyond repair.

"So. Maybe tonight should be the last time we... do this," Buck says when silence stretches out between them and Eddie doesn't know what to say to fill it. He is devastated, even though he knew it was coming. It takes him some time and several composed breaths to be able to even answer.

"Well. If that's what you think is for the best..."

"I just thought. Now you've experienced a few things, with _me_, you probably want to get out there and... meet people, or something."

Has Buck met someone? Eddie thinks with his heart in his throat. Is that why he's been so off? Is that why the last night they spent in bed together they had kept to their own sides of the bed, and why in the firehouse Buck has taken to leaving any place he is the moment Eddie walks in?

Eddie can't even bring himself to lie, so jealous of the _someone_ who might now be in Buck's life that he wants to hurt something. Preferably himself. "I won't be. Looking, I mean. I'm not... I don't think any of this was about that. I know it wasn't."

"Then, what was it about?" Buck asks, his voice smaller than Eddie thinks he's ever heard it. Eddie can't even answer him. He doesn't know how to. "You're important to me, Eddie. I just don't want to mess things up between us. More, I mean."

"Things aren't messed up," Eddie objects, even though they are. Of course they are. How wouldn't they be after all of this?

"Eddie..."

"No. We can stop doing this right now, and just... go back to how we were before. I don't... things aren't messed up, Evan."

"Please..."

Eddie's chest aches for the teary look on Buck's face before he drops his head again, shaking it. "What?"

"Please don't call me that. It's too... please don't."

"Buck," Eddie says, white noise filling his ears for the alarm he feels. "Buck, please tell me what happened? What did I do?"

"You didn't do anything."

"Well obviously _something_ happened—"

"It was me. _I _shouldn't have let any of this happen," Buck says, snatching his hand out of Eddie's grasp when he goes to take it. "I knew I shouldn't. But I told myself I could, that it would be okay, and that... now it's all ruined."

"I don't understand. What? Nothing is ruined—"

"It _is_, Eddie," Buck says, and to Eddie's horror he starts to cry. "It is. I couldn't bear the thought of you out there, doing all this stuff for the first time with some _asshole_ who might hurt you, or use you, or some... I don't know. _Anyone_, who wouldn't treat you right. I thought _I _could be the one to... even though..."

When Buck's words fade away, Eddie pleads with his heart to calm. "Even though, what?"

"I thought I could act like it didn't mean anything. That I... "

"Buck. What did it mean to you? All this; what did it mean?" Eddie says, his heart racing now for entirely different reasons. Has he been wrong all this time about Buck only thinking of this as something emotionless, some harmless way of getting off?

"_You_ mean something to me. _You_ do," Buck blurts out, now not even attempting to hide how upset he is, even openly wiping tears away from his eyes. "And now you don't need me anymore."

"What? I need you, Buck," Eddie insists, daring to move closer, relieved that Buck doesn't flinch or try to move away. He _has_ to understand what Buck is trying to tell him. "Who said I didn't need you?"

Buck drops his gaze, not looking at Eddie, tension visible in his limbs. Is he wanting to pull away from him? Reach out? Eddie can't tell. "Maybe not like how I need _you_," Buck says, his words cracking as he forces them out, lifting his head to look at him though immediately dropping it again.

"And how is that? Buck; how do you need me?"

"I _want_ you," Buck says, his tone so mournful that it clasps around Eddie's heart. "And you don't want _me_. And I... I want _more_ from you than... this. What we had. What we've been doing."

Eddie blinks, his mind stupid as he tries to absorb Buck's words. This can't be happening. Is this really happening? "Buck..."

"I can't keep pretending I don't feel anything for you besides just being your friend, because it's killing me. It's killing me, when I thought it would be good; when I thought this would _help_. _How_ would it help, though? Look what this has done."

Eddie knows nothing but the high-pitched whistling in his ears as he slowly unravels the truth of Buck's words. "Are you saying you... are you saying you want to be with me, or something?" Though Eddie then tells himself he will not hope, he will not start picturing Buck becoming a more permanent fixture in his and Christopher's life. He won't imagine how beautifully simple and easy it would be to wake up with Buck every morning, how complete he would feel for falling asleep with him every night. He can't think like that; not yet.

Buck answers without saying a word, such a look of longing in his eyes that Eddie thinks he might cry. Though why should he be crying? That _hope_ takes over only to be replaced with realization, an understanding that _they_ might be alright. That they might be a _thing_. A smile breaks out on Eddie's face, relief surging through him sweeping away all that fear from earlier.

"Buck. Evan," he says, taking Buck's hand to clasp against his thigh as he moves closer. "Evan, look at me." Buck shudders, closing his eyes but then squaring his shoulders before lifting his head. "This whole time, and even before, and everything we've been doing; I wanted all of this, to have all of this, with you. _Only_ you."

Buck snaps his head from side to side. "I don't—"

"I want you too, Buck. Believe me. I have, for a long time. For... I don't know how long, actually." Buck looks so _hopeful_; Eddie demands of himself he is brave enough to finally get his words out. "I do know that I think I love you, and that... the thought of you not wanting me back all this time—pretending that I was okay with this all just being an experiment, and something physical—that's been killing _me_, Evan. It has. And knowing that... I really, _really_ don't think I can be without you."

Buck's face crumples as he lets his head fall forward again, a soft gasp of breath making Eddie ache for him.

"And it's not just about all of this—about any of this," Eddie adds, reaching so he can run his fingers over Buck's scalp. Buck leans into his touch, such a torn look on his face when he sits back up that Eddie has to kiss him on the forehead to try to relieve some of the tension there. "Buck. C'mon. Look at me."

Buck shudders before he can bring himself to, startled when Eddie can't help claim the quickest of kisses. Eddie cradles his face in one hand, smiling in an attempt to get Buck to smile back.

"Even before we started this, and I let myself admit I felt things for you, _you_ were the person I wanted to be around most. Always. And for anything. If you think _Chris_ is the only Diaz that can't wait to see you pretty much every minute of every day, then you are wrong; really wrong. I might even have to fight Abuela to get some time alone with you," he adds, succeeding in getting the corners of Buck's mouth to twitch up. "Ever since she realized you spoke Spanish she doesn't _stop_ talking about you. And _she_ knows how I feel about you."

"She knows about this?" Buck says looking horrified.

"Absolutely not," Eddie replies, closing his eyes for the thought of explaining these past few months to his grandmother and sure he might die right there where he is sat.

"Good. I don't think I could ever look her in the eye again if she did."

At least Buck is thinking long term enough to be worrying about seeing her again, Eddie thinks, holding on to that hope he feels.

"You and me both." Though then something occurs to him, making Eddie's stomach drop. "Wait. Does _Maddie_ know about this?"

"No." Buck clears his throat, looking away. "No, uh, but she sort of figured out I was... feeling things about you. _For_ you."

Eddie nods slowly, replaying the looks she's given him over the past few weeks; especially the night that she was here when he arrived. She must know _something_ has been going on between them. Eddie now feels like Maddie has been warning him not to hurt her brother. He'll have to reassure her as soon as he gets the chance. If _Buck_ gives him a chance.

Buck's gaze falls to his mouth, and Eddie is kissing him before he can stop himself, trying to reassure him without saying a word. Though he _needs_ to say something. Eddie pulls back, still stroking a thumb over Buck's cheek, propping his arm along the back of the couch.

"Evan. I really don't want to _stop_ what we've been doing. I don't."

Buck's smile is cautious; though not as cautious as his hand is as it trembles before settling on Eddie's chest. "No?"

"Not for a second. But I also want _more_ from you. I want... I want this to be more than just some once a week thing where we just get off. I want... you're practically family anyway. I want you to stay at ours, for us to... maybe for us to go some place when it's just you and me."

"Like a date?" Buck asks, with a look that Eddie is sure means he is trying not to look like it's something he wants. Eddie covers Buck's hand with his own, squeezing it there.

"Yes. A date; lots of dates. Carla's gonna be making a fortune on me with overtime at this point," he adds, groaning internally for already imagining what _she_ will have to say about this. His skin flushes for the knowing smile she'll give them both.

Buck swallows hard, twisting his hand so his fingers slot through Eddie's, their joined hands dropping to rest on Eddie's thigh. "Somehow, I don't think she'll be complaining."

"Chris will, if we don't spend at least some of those _dates_ with him," Eddie tells him. He can practically hear Christopher's cheer for being told they might see Buck a lot more often than they already do. Eddie can't _wait_ to tell him.

"You think Chris'll be okay about me? About... you know, you and me?"

"Do you know how many times that kid makes excuses for me to call you because he hopes he can make it so you come over?" Eddie asks, smiling for just how fiercely Buck loves Chris, and how Chris loves him just as hard back.

Buck's smile is _beautiful_ in its shyness and hopefulness. It takes Eddie so much restraint not to kiss him. But he has more things he needs to get out before he can do that.

"Evan," he says, cupping his face so Buck has to look at him, "did you honestly think, for a second, that I would... _use_ you like this, and then go look for somebody else? Seriously?"

Buck's breath shudders from him, and Eddie can tell how hard it is for Buck to make himself keep looking. "That _was_ the idea. Technically. In theory."

"So you'd just... offer yourself up like that?"

"Only for you."

"That's no better, Buck. It isn't. You're way more important than someone who just lets themselves be used—be used in _any_ way."

Buck's tongue darts over his lips, his throat clicking when he swallows. "I wouldn't do it for anyone else."

"Well. That's reassuring. But—"

"Maybe I thought that... if you didn't want me any other way, or... maybe a part of me hoped you'd see me how I see you..."

Eddie could kick himself. He called also kick _Buck_ a little too. How can two fairly intelligent guys also be such clueless idiots? Especially about something as important as this? And the self-doubt Buck feels, that lack of worth that underwrites so much of all he has just been saying; how could Buck ever think so little of himself?

"I kept hoping _you_ would start feeling something for me as we... you know."

"I already did."

"I know, Evan. I know that _now_."

Buck laughs, an exasperated, groan-filled thing that Eddie can't help smiling at. Though Buck then moves to drop his head on Eddie's shoulder, sighing against him. Eddie rests his hand on the back of his head until he sits back up. "It got harder to pretend with all this when we started kissing; it's why I didn't kiss you, at first. I didn't trust myself. Then last week, when we—after everything we did—it shouldn't have been _that_, specifically, that made me... that made it impossible to think that we could keep doing all this without us getting hurt. I wanted you so much, and I couldn't even—feeling you, _inside_ me like that, I couldn't keep pretending it didn't mean anything. I'm pretty sure I love _you_, Eddie."

Everything is going to be just _fine_. Eddie knows it when Buck kisses him, knows it for the way he presses up close like he doesn't want to let him go again. Buck's arms first cross behind his head then drape over his shoulders as he moves enough to straddle Eddie's lap. Eddie runs his hands up his thighs, then over his back, wrapping his arms around his waist to bring him nearer. Buck smiles against his mouth, nipping at the corner of it before sitting up.

"This is far better than I thought this evening might turn out."

Eddie isn't sure he knows how to stop smiling. "Yeah?"

"Definitely. I had visions of you leaving when I said we shouldn't do this again."

Where is the blustering, cocky, confident Buck he'd met so long ago? Buck's self-doubt he keeps so well-hidden behind that facade, but Eddie had thought he knew him well enough to see through it. This whole situation is telling him he still has a lot to learn. He can't wait, for all of it.

"You'll be lucky if you get me to leave in the morning," Eddie replies, trying on Buck's former bravado for size.

"It's cute," Buck says, _grinning_ as he tries to kiss him.

"What is?"

"You, thinking I'm _letting_ you leave here on our first full day off together in, what is it now. Six weeks? After _this_?"

"I didn't know you were counting."

"Oh, but I was."

"What if you left here with me tomorrow?" Eddie asks, squeezing his waist. "I feel like Christopher might like the idea of you sleeping over. You haven't; not for a while. You used to fall asleep on our couch all the time."

Buck nods, pressing a kiss to his temple as he adjusts how he is sitting. "I just didn't think it was a good idea, is all. It's been hard enough keeping my hands off you at work."

Eddie doesn't mean to groan so loud, or to pull Buck so tight against him he ends up with a faceful of his chest. "I've been thinking the same thing. And when you started sending me those _pictures before bed—_and that _video—_"

"I should _not_ have done that," Buck says, his face flushing. "That really overstepped a mark."

"Uh. No complaints here. At _all_," Eddie replies, running his hands up Buck's thighs. "Please don't stop. Or, you know. Come do all those things in person."

"Every night?"

"Well. Maybe not _every_ night. Wouldn't want you to wear yourself out on my account."

There it is. Eddie's secret favorite smile on Buck's face; that impish, cocky, cheeky thing that makes _his_ face hurt for echoing. It's back, and Eddie wouldn't have it any other way. Though he doesn't get to see the smile for all that long, for Buck leaning down to kiss him. The soft relief that blasts against his lips has Eddie dropping his eyes closed, reveling in the way Buck kisses him like he intends to take all night.

Eddie isn't complaining about that either, gesturing for Buck to move until they are sprawled out on the couch. Buck smiles up at him in between kisses, tugging up their shirts so their skin is pressed together looking far too content to move.

"I thought I was losing you tonight," Eddie says when they pause, dropping his face into Buck's neck and breathing him in. He sighs for the hands run over his back and the kiss to the back of his head, glad when Buck gets his arms around him for a hug.

"I'm not going anywhere. Not now," Buck replies, interspersing his words with kisses to his hair when Eddie doesn't look up.

"Good."

"We'll need to talk about this for _work_ things, obviously. But that's not yet. And we'll... we'll figure all that out. Everything."

Eddie noses against his jaw before kissing his cheek, brushing their lips together. "We will. And we'll need to learn to be _quiet_," he adds, changing Buck's practical thought track back to something a little more _relevant_ to what they're here for.

"I _think_ we'll need to keep our hands to ourselves at _work_, Eddie."

"What about when you sleep over?"

"That's _different_. When Chris isn't around, obviously. And we'll have to start keeping our voices down." The noises Buck makes when they are together here are some of the most filthy things Eddie thinks he's ever heard. He doesn't really want to be denied hearing them either, but they'll learn to adapt, he is sure of it.

"Well. It's not _me_ that's the loud one," Buck says, his eyes filled with glee, and heat, his fingers already snagging on the hem of Eddie's shirt to push it up.

Eddie moves immediately to pull it off, glad Buck follows to do the same. He _needs_ to get his hands on him. "Are you saying _I'm_ louder than _you_?"

"Most definitely you are."

"You think so?"

"I know so. And I will _prove_ it to you right now," Buck adds, tugging Eddie to his feet so they can finish undressing. They get a little distracted by more kisses, though Buck's fingers trailing over his skin sends a shiver of need through Eddie making him kiss back harder to move things along.

"Eddie. You gonna let me in you?" Buck asks as he presses his cheeks apart with a finger and thumb, trailing a fingertip over his hole.

Eddie shudders for it, nodding rapidly with how much he wants to feel Buck in him. Buck kisses him in reward with a flick of tongue against his mouth before he suddenly moves, pressing Eddie back into the couch.

Eddie groans for Buck lapping up the length of him, teasing him hard with his tongue. Eddie hears the now-familiar sound of a lube bottle being clicked open, wondering how many of these bottles Buck has hidden away around here. He doesn't think for long, however, for Buck sitting back and encouraging him to straddle his lap, working his fingers into him in a thick, slick slide as he continues to suck him off. All Eddie can do is hold on, rocking back and forth to chase all the pleasure Buck is giving him, whining when he withdraws his fingers for too long.

"We should get you upstairs," Buck teases when he holds him open, lapping his tongue over his cock head as he circles a fingertip around his rim in tease.

"_Please..._"

"Please, as in let's go upstairs?" Buck asks when Eddie sits in his lap, pressing his cheeks apart again leaving Eddie whining for a clenching need to be filled. He looks down at Buck, reaches to take him in hand, and has the very best idea.

"Can we... a little _here_ first?"

"What?"

"I _want_ you," Eddie whimpers, rocking back against the thumb teased at his hole.

"You can have me."

"I want you _here_," Eddie says, continuing to stroke Buck.

"You want to try riding me?" Buck asks in surprise.

Eddie nods frantically, the thought of sinking down on him the only thing filling his mind. Buck slicks himself up, guiding Eddie to position over him and holding him open.

"Same as always. You need to stop, or wait, or anything, you just say. Okay, Eddie?"

"I need _you_," Eddie croaks out as he lowers himself, the press of Buck's cock head against him already stealing his breath. He thinks to take it slow but that _need_ is too much, sinking down until he is fully seated and calling out for the sensation of being speared open.

"I got you," Buck gasps out grabbing on to Eddie's waist for support. The blissed out look on his face tells Eddie everything; enough to help him clench around him, monitor the sting of being filled against the sparks of pleasure beginning to work their way through him as he rolls his hips.

"You're _in_ me," Eddie groans against his mouth for feeling _so_ overwhelmed for it, draping his arms over Buck's shoulders and kissing him.

"I am. And you take as long as you need, okay? Do whatever you want."

Eddie clenches around him again, his thighs shaking as he begins to move. He starts off slow, experimenting with raising up a little only to drop down again, getting used to the feel of Buck in him. He raises up more, slower, savoring the drag of Buck in him before sinking back down, groaning out his name.

This is _incredible_. Everything Eddie thought he'd been expecting is not what he is experiencing here at all. He is _full_ of Buck, and he feels amazing, but it is the gentle awe on his face and the _love_ he sees in his eyes that is getting to Eddie the most. He hopes Buck sees the same in his as well, claiming kisses in between shuddering with all the pleasure he feels as he starts to ride him.

With Buck's gentle encouragement and soft praise, Eddie works out a rhythm, gasping his pleasure against Buck's mouth as it starts to build. He tries to keep his voice down, not wanting Buck to be proved right about which of them is loudest, but for the sweetest heat and pressure in him there is no way he can keep how he's feeling to himself.

"Let's go upstairs," Buck whispers when Eddie sinks down on him and only rolls his hips to rest, shaking so much for this strange new exertion that he has to cling on tight to keep upright. When he nods his agreement, Buck carefully helps him slide off him and stand, quickly slipping his fingers into him when Eddie protests for feeling empty.

Buck slots their hands together leading him upstairs like he has done so many times now. They kiss beside the bed, Eddie once again draping his arms over Buck's shoulders as he works his fingers into him. "Are you okay?" Buck asks in between those kisses, smiling when Eddie nods.

How can he be anything but _okay_ for feeling like this? But he answers with a soft, _"yes," _anyway for knowing how it will make Buck smile.

"Maybe," Buck says, trailing kisses up his neck, "you can let me _take_ you a little."

"What do you mean?"

"You. On your hands and knees, on the edge of the bed. Me, filling you from behind."

For the clench of heat that bursts in him Eddie has to kiss him harder, leaving Buck to guide him where he wants him after his resounding, _"yes," _echoes a little too loud. He curses and groans the moment Buck thumbs his open and starts to slide in, dropping on to his forearms and angling his hips back.

"You feel _good_, Eddie," Buck chokes out, hands gripping his waist as he withdraws. Eddie lets his head drop focusing on the feel of Buck filling him again.

How have they taken so long to do _this_? Eddie rocks back inviting more, even encouraging Buck to grip him firmer, press into him a little deeper than he already is. One snap of Buck's hips and he is whimpering for more, calling out encouragement that has Buck driving into him, repeatedly gasping out his name.

Though Buck stops then, teasing him by not moving, only rocking enough so his cock head is brushing in the perfect spot over Eddie's prostate. Eddie is _leaking _for it, desperate to take himself in hand. He cries out for the sensation of Buck's hand closing around his length, trying to rock into it.

"I think you're enjoying this," Buck teases for how much he is leaking after using Eddie's precum to slick him up as he strokes. Though he doesn't stroke for long, gently slipping from him then easing Eddie on to his back.

"_Please_," Eddie whimpers, sighing in relief when Buck fills him once more, smiling when he leans down for a kiss.

"You doing okay?" Buck asks as he adjusts on his forearms either side of Eddie's head, thumb at his temple as he checks.

"Amazing."

"That's how you feel."

"You too."

Buck knocks his top lip against Eddie's asking him to open up, flicking his tongue into his mouth. He doesn't stop kissing him, humming his approval and encouragement for every noise Eddie makes, continuing to tell him just how good he feels. He smiles against Eddie's mouth, then drops his face into his neck as he starts to move faster, grinding into Eddie and grunting praise into his neck.

Eddie holds on tight, lifting his legs and groaning for the angle change feeling so _good_. Buck's lips and breath against his neck, how _deep_ he is in him; how could he ever have waited so long for this?

Though then Buck's breathing changes, his hips stuttering harder, and after a sharper thrust he comes. It is the most incredible feeling ever, feeling so close to Buck that Eddie could _cry_. Buck shudders through his orgasm, mouthing at his neck until he's done.

"You're perfect," Buck says when he props himself up, lingering for a kiss before kneeling back. Before Eddie can say a word he is pressing hard into him, wrapping his fingers around his length and starting to stroke.

Eddie writhes and wails for it, the sensation of still being filled as Buck strokes him leaving his words incomprehensible; even to him. He croaks out Buck's name as he comes, lifting his head to watch himself spilling over Buck's hand, cursing when it leaves him boneless and steals every other thought. Buck _grins_ at him in triumph, though Eddie doesn't get to see the smile for long. Not that he is complaining. Not for the relieved sigh blasted against his lips as Buck leans to kisses him leisurely like he might take a while. Eddie _loves_ it when he kisses him so unhurried.

Buck doesn't _stop_ kissing him. Not when they climb out of bed to take a quick shower, or while they wait for their pizza on the couch. They kiss while kidding themselves the movie they put on to watch they'd pay any attention to, and are still kissing when they stumble sleepily up to bed hours later. Everything is perfect.

"I can't wait to wake up with you," Buck says once they've settled, with Eddie's head resting on his shoulder.

Eddie is sure his own smile is a smug one as he presses it into Buck's skin. Buck's hands run repeatedly over his back, leaving Eddie feeling _cherished_. "Me too. I've been wanting that for... so long, now."

"I always held back, because I didn't think you'd _want_ this," Buck tells him, gently squeezing Eddie in his arms as he kisses the top of his head.

"Then, I guess we have some making up to do for that, right?"

"We have the time now."

Eddie smiles for the thought, sighing his contentment against Buck's shoulder. "We really do."

"Hey, Eddie?"

For the soft hand toying with his hair, Eddie lifts his head. Buck's hand is extended like he means to turn the light off, his other splayed wide over Eddie's back.

"Yeah?"

Eddie watches Buck swallow hard, even as he smiles, licking his lips as he stalls for time. "I want you to know, that this is... you are _everything_ to me. I mean it."

"I know you do," Eddie says, drumming his fingers at Buck's side. "It's the same for me. I don't want anything else but what we have. This is... maybe it's too soon to say—"

"It isn't," Buck says quickly, giving him an encouraging smile.

"I think this is _it_," Eddie says, bargaining with his heart to stop racing like it is. "I mean _us_; I think _we_ are it."

Buck's smile is a reward. "I think so too."

"I love you, Buck," Eddie blurts out, Buck's smiling getting wider the moment he does.

Buck lifts his head, tilting his chin for a kiss which Eddie gladly gives him as he pitches up the bed. "I love you too, Eddie," Buck tells him. And as Eddie kisses him again, he decides that this is what it means to be complete.

* * *

**Epilogue: six months later**

"He's fast asleep. Got up for a drink about an hour ago, then went straight back over. I think you're good for the night."

Eddie squeezes Carla's arm in thanks as he peeks into Christopher's bedroom, laughing for the ball he has curled himself into. How the hell is that comfortable?

"Did you have a good night?" Carla adds as they move away, walking back to the lounge. She is already putting on her jacket and picking up her bag; Eddie hopes she isn't too tired for it being quite late.

"Uh, yeah. Yeah; it was good."

"Eddie ate _two_ desserts," Buck says as he rejoins them from using the bathroom, helping Carla with the strap of her bag when it gets tangled on a lapel.

"Only two?"

"It was chocolate fudge. I _love_ chocolate fudge," Eddie protests, because it was _good_ chocolate fudge cake. Buck affectionately pats him on the chest then holds his arm out to Carla to escort her to her car. He is always such a _gentleman_ for things like that; Eddie can't help smiling after them after Carla kisses him on the cheek and says goodnight.

The restaurant for their dinner was good, and the food great, though Eddie's favorite moment from their date was the walk they took after it. Hand in hand, with easy affection between them, Buck even pulling him to a stop so they could take a selfie overlooking some lights shimmering in the water. That, and their kiss afterward, with Eddie still buzzing with excitement that everything between them is so simple for things like this. They've been together six months, and far, far longer if they count everything _else_ that came before that. But the flutters in Eddie's stomach sometimes makes everything feel like a first date.

What doesn't feel like a first date is the easy smile Buck gives him when he returns from walking Carla to her car. Nor does the softness in Buck's expression as together they look in on Christopher together. These things are just as precious to Eddie as everything they share, though don't feel _new_ at all. Why would they? Buck has been a part of their lives for so long, now. They just haven't taken the most linear route to get where they are today.

"Are you ready for bed?" Buck says, trying to hide his yawn. They came off shift not six hours ago and are both exhausted, though didn't want to give up their date night.

"Very," Eddie agrees, the two of them getting ready for bed in the most ordinary of routines; brushing teeth, putting on pajamas, getting water for their nightstands, and turning back the comforter together before climbing in. Simple things that feel _indulgent_, that Eddie promises himself every day he won't take for granted for a moment.

Buck tugs the comforter up over them as they settle, pulling Eddie close for a kiss. "Did you set the alarm?"

"Done."

"Christopher's bag's all ready for the morning. All _clean_; there was peanut butter in the pocket zipper."

"But he took ham and cheese," Eddie replies, splaying his hand wider on Buck's waist.

"Maybe he swapped with a friend."

"Maybe," Eddie agrees, knowing for the way Buck is yawning he will be asleep in minutes. He claims a kiss and squeezes his side, letting his hand trail over his hip. "Turn over."

Buck _grins_ at him, claiming another kiss. "I love you," he whispers as he nuzzles against him, turning over with far more enthusiasm than Eddie thinks is necessary in his excitement to be little spoon. Buck _loves _being held.

"I love you too," Eddie whispers back, kissing it into Buck's shoulder as he tucks up behind him, smiling for Buck's contented sigh when they settle. Eddie falls asleep replaying moments of their date, and looking forward to some time alone together tomorrow when Christopher is at school. His life could really not be more perfect than it is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... we are at the end! Thank you for all the lovely encouragement for this story, it's been a lot of fun! And it's probably not over; I've had a few requests for some chapters from Buck's perspective, so, maybe we'll have some of them soon as well. 
> 
> Love and hugs to you all!


End file.
